Witty Students and Teachers

Short stories, good jokes,
witty sayings and anecdotes

Witty Students and Teachers

Postby Sabina » Wed Aug 04, 2010 9:58 pm

Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued:

Proctor: I beg your pardon?

Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

Proctor: Sorry, no.

Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin):

"Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale.''

Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.

Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.
Source: UC Berkeley

__1__


If you know of any other witty or maybe even legendary acts by students, as well as appropriate responses by teachers, add them!
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Re: Witty Students and Teachers

Postby Daywhite » Wed Aug 04, 2010 10:12 pm

This was always my favorite example of a witty student. Not sure if it is the fact he was never successful at having sexual relations with her that helps me identify with it so much, or something else, but very funny, and, as far as I know, completely true.


Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?
As you study for exams, remember its not the quantity it's the quantity. And remember there is no substitute for pure unadulterated bull
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.
"Sometimes you do it to save your own life, not anybody else's. That's mostly why I write. I'm not trying to change anybody else's life or the world; I'm trying to keep from blowing my own brains out. That's the real point." -- Guy Clark
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Re: Witty Students and Teachers

Postby Sabina » Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:16 am

A student wrote...
"Today in psychology class, I asked my teacher if he was aware that diarrhea was hereditary.

He immediately replied "No, it isn't," and proceeded to explain why. I interrupted him with "Sure it is, it runs in the jeans."

He was so excited with this response, he ran out of the room to get another teacher for me to tell.

Psychology rocks."
"Whether You believe you can, or you can't, you are right."
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State of Mind or Tendency: Artistic
Kudos: 61


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