The Problem with Implying

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The Problem with Implying

Postby Sabina » Sun Apr 11, 2010 4:48 pm

Implying or insinuating are common in communication. Since that is so, it is only logical that assuming becomes quite common as well.
That further leads us to beginning statements such as "I don't mean to imply...", "I am not insinuating...", etc. which are basically reminders or requests to please not assume anything of that sort.

imply –verb (used with object)
1. to indicate or suggest without being explicitly stated: His words implied a lack of faith.
2. (of words) to signify or mean.
3. to involve as a necessary circumstance: Speech implies a speaker.

insinuate –verb (used with object)
1. to suggest or hint slyly: He insinuated that they were lying.
2. to instill or infuse subtly or artfully, as into the mind: to insinuate doubts through propaganda.
3. to bring or introduce into a position or relation by indirect or artful methods: to insinuate oneself into favor.

Just think how much insinuations complicate relationships. They always ad a bitter flavor to a conversation.
And not many things have caused as much unnecessary suffering as assumptions. Assumptions are always based on what we know, and very often mixed with projections, again, simply because that is what we are familiar with...

I was able to stop implying, insinuating and assuming. I had stopped completely. But, by being exposed to people who imply and insinuate, my senses and skills in that area began sharpening again. That however comes with problems, because then I may tend to read into something, such as... I may assume that someone is implying something when they are not. I may assume that they are insinuating, simply because there are now more people around me who hint around and insinuate rather than simply saying it how it is. Does this make any sense? So, what am I to do?
Being able to adapt to different people is also a skill... tuning into a particular person... it has helped me in many situations in life. However, by doing that with many different people simultaneously the skill becomes a hazard!

I am wondering... Is it possible for all of us to completely remove implying, insinuating and assuming from our communication and relationships? It would be a gigantic step... is it at all doable? What all would that entail? What all would it mean? What are your thoughts?

Sabina
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Re: The Problem with Implying

Postby Metatron » Sun Apr 11, 2010 5:17 pm

First of all, to get rid of assuming something that is not there, people would need to start to think. That, I think is the biggest problem, or, so to speak, the gist of every problem. Undoubtedly we live in a world that is so rushed up, that people accept things as they are, the world is a fast food restaurant, where people eat up information without any digestion involved. Their mind doesn't get rid of what they don't need, and bits of what they need don't connect. It's a mess. So the direct consequence of this is not only that people are manipulable, but also making wrong assumptions.I think this is a response of the mind to a fast world, and we know that the mind doesn't always prepare us well for bad situations. Thus we apply assuming on a smaller scale as well, so that when we speak we can process information as "effectively" as possible. We know this is ineffective, but our mind doesn't, just as it doesn't know that stress doesn't help anymore in tough situations, like before an exam or a job interview. That which used to save our lives in the past, when we would fight a mammoth and we needed adrenaline, is just an unnecessary feature of our bodies that often makes people wrecks.

I think this can be applied today as well. We have responded to a new situation and we need experience to find out that it's not working well. So to sum it up, the gist of the problem is the way we think and how much we think. I always say it is bad that logic is not taught nowadays at schools. Well, at least not the logic we need. We know that language and maths are all forms of logic, but children and thus later adults don't see the connection between logic and maths and language and rightly so, because these teach you nothing about statements, premises, conclusions and most importantly, logical fallacies. Making assumptions is certainly a logical fallacy, after all we come to conclusions before making sure that the premises are based on evidence.

So my answer is, logic needs to become an obligatory subject at schools and it's importance must be stressed every single day, it should be something children wake up and go to sleep with.

I believe this fact is obvious to those in charge, which is why logic is neglected. Polititians, religious leaders and their likes are the puppeteers and the plebs are the puppets. For this to remain this way, the world needs to be a logical fallacy itself, chaotic and rushed, so that we don't have time to ponder over underlying truths, or even if do, we must get the feeling that it's all above us and we are just individuals unable to do anything, but complain.

This is maintained via the existence of money, democracy, the media... If we want a better world without people being mislead and peoplemaking wrong assumptions, we need to begin with children and start teaching logic or else we're as good as a piece of wood. It blows me away how people dailily give up their own humanity, that which makes us better than an animal. Our ability to think.
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Re: The Problem with Implying

Postby Sabina » Sun Apr 11, 2010 7:06 pm

Thank you for your thoughts David, I really appreciate the approach and totally concur when it comes to schools and the need/necessity to teach logics. That would be perfect!
I am currently simply trying to make the best out of what is at hand, and as you know, I'm never guilty of not thinking something through, but have rather been "accused" of over-thinking things on occasion..

Imagine a good person, with good intentions, able to think, but perhaps at times they stop and don't over-think it when they actually should... meaning, they should continue with the thinking process and not be pleased that they at least did some thinking.
So, imagine such a person.
I wouldn't say they are a "lost case" or anything like that, because after all, they do think. They reason, they analyze and they are capable of learning. But, they also assume too much, and occasionally insinuate, and this part holds them back tremendously. All their efforts are being halted by this muddy sphere of insinuating/implying/assuming. How would you deal with that person?

Matatron wrote:That which used to save our lives in the past, when we would fight a mammoth and we needed adrenaline, is just an unnecessary feature of our bodies that often makes people wrecks.

This made me laugh... Thanks! [El]
There is truth in it as well.
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Re: The Problem with Implying

Postby Metatron » Sun Apr 11, 2010 7:19 pm

It is very hard to deal with people who assume, or assume too much, because premature curiosity satisfaction is something we all do from time to time. It is like when you ask for evidence of God's existence, what exactly is it that you want? If you saw a person walking down the street throwing fireballs and raising mountains, how would know you it is god, an infinite being and not just a very strong, but finite being? As a deep thinking person, how do you know you have thought deep enough about something and haven't stopped at a point where you should have gone on?

I don't think there is a definite solution for this that applies to all situations. You just need to try hard to spot situations where you have assumed quickly without thinking enough about something, and try to reduce them as soon as possible. Obviously, over/thinking something may be just as misleading as not. Both extremes are bad. Finding the golden middle-path is the best, and yet hardest solution too. We will be mastering our minds until the day we die, we can get better I think, but not perfect.
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Re: The Problem with Implying

Postby Sabina » Sun Apr 11, 2010 7:28 pm

Yes, we all assume sometimes, and this awareness definitely helps us understand if someone else does it. It's one of those things where people say "It's only human".

You are talking from the standpoint of the self. I am asking from the standpoint of the observer.

In the opening post I wrote...
"I am wondering... Is it possible for all of us to completely remove implying, insinuating and assuming from our communication and relationships? It would be a gigantic step... is it at all doable? What all would that entail? What all would it mean?"

Basically, do we have anything to lose by completely giving up our ability to insinuate, imply and assume? Anything at all?
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Re: The Problem with Implying

Postby Metatron » Sun Apr 11, 2010 7:38 pm

I do believe that the complete loss of such an ability would be a negative loss indeed, just as it would be bad not to produce medication at all, just because it can be used as drugs. We make assumptions on a daily basis. Just try to imagine a day, where you would think deep about everything - I know you like coffee :) So let's see a simple process of making coffee without our ability to assume: what do you do first? If you are sitting at you computer, first you start to wonder whether there is anything that could hurt you on the way to the kitchen - maybe an asteroid falling right onto your house, or a plane crashing into it. So you check on the Internet whether there are any forecasts about falling asteroids or stolen airplanes. If everything is clear, you move to the kitchen. You take out a cup and start to wonder whether it is clean enough, so you take it to a lab or something where they check it for you. So when that is done, you return home and fill the coffee machine with water. But do you? What if the water isn't clean enough for drinking? Go back to the lab... I think it pointless to go on, I have made my point.

This can be applied to any situation in life which simply doesn't need the involvement of a deep thought process. As I've said, both extremes are wrong. The trick is to realize when to do it and when not to.
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Re: The Problem with Implying

Postby mirjana » Sun Apr 11, 2010 7:44 pm

Sabina,
It would be gigantic step, and as usually in order to reach something gigantic we should move small steps first. My suggestion goes very concrete and I applied it myself and gave my answer in another topic which is very compatible with this one empathy,-sympathy-&-emotional-intelligence-p4140.html#p4140
If we would be able to look behind ourselves and see when we have done something like that recently, we would mark or memorize this as a very helpful tool so that in the future similar tendencies we would be able to act differently.
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Re: The Problem with Implying

Postby Sabina » Sun Apr 11, 2010 7:49 pm

Metatron wrote:I think it pointless to go on, I have made my point.

=0@ =0@ <3
Yes, you made your point wonderfully!! :)

So, the golden middle...
Then what exactly is the golden middle when it comes to assumptions?
Because assumptions can do serious harm... people assuming things to protect themselves from possible harm, etc. and then doing all kinds of silly things to make sure (like that's even possible) that it doesn't happen.
In that sense it could be said that assuming is an attempt of control.
Controlling emotions, controlling the outcome of a situation so that we are not the one who gets hurt. No?
How much of this had to do with the need to protect (ourselves) and control (ourselves and others)?
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Re: The Problem with Implying

Postby mirjana » Sun Apr 11, 2010 8:06 pm

Assumptions are projections of personal shadows upon other people so that they become a shadow.
It is not easy to get rid of assumptions as assumption, for the person who makes it, plays a supportive role for the personal image of superiority and right. Humble and truly wise person will not make assumptions as s/he doesn't need it in order to prove to be right. Instead, direct communication face to face, without any talking behind the back, would bring healthy communication and understanding between people.
In order to act like that people should be learned about these values from the early childhood, in the family and in the school. Unfortunately, this is not a case. In both cases free thinkers are stopped because as soon as you question something, we are taught that asking is a sign of disproval. And it is the opposite. I think it needs quite a lot of time until on the more general level this healthy approach will be achieved.
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Re: The Problem with Implying

Postby Metatron » Sun Apr 11, 2010 9:23 pm

Sabina wrote:=0@ =0@ <3
Yes, you made your point wonderfully!! :)

So, the golden middle...
Then what exactly is the golden middle when it comes to assumptions?
Because assumptions can do serious harm... people assuming things to protect themselves from possible harm, etc. and then doing all kinds of silly things to make sure (like that's even possible) that it doesn't happen.
In that sense it could be said that assuming is an attempt of control.
Controlling emotions, controlling the outcome of a situation so that we are not the one who gets hurt. No?
How much of this had to do with the need to protect (ourselves) and control (ourselves and others)?


What is the golden middle? Well, that's why I said it's a trick, you have to spot it. We could both argue about the right amount of salt that is to be added to a meal, and we could both be right. A good cook knows when there's too much seasoning in a meal, and when you ask him how, he would most likely tell you that it's from experience. There are some things in which people are not all that different, even if we are all unique, which can even more easily be said about situations, things etc. All in all, the guide to the golden middle must be very broad, so that it can include lots of different situations. I think it requires somewhat of an artist, artists are also able to tell how much of a certain color is the right amount on a painting, how long a sentence should be and when it is too poor or too rich in vocabulary and so on. Not everyone is capable of doing it. The "right"opinions, the "right"amount of assumptions and the whole structure of a mindset in general has a certain beauty to it, the development of an eye that sees this beauty is a lifelong process. There is always something to correct.

Mirjana wrote:In order to act like that people should be learned about these values from the early childhood, in the family and in the school. Unfortunately, this is not a case. In both cases free thinkers are stopped because as soon as you question something, we are taught that asking is a sign of disproval. And it is the opposite. I think it needs quite a lot of time until on the more general level this healthy approach will be achieved.


I see what you mean, but I have a slightly different approach. As I see it free thinkers are being drawn back because they're trying to be different, smarter than the rest. People aren't glad to see that. They make fun of "smartasses". It is often our teenage friends who teach this to us, at the age where we're still quite changable... impressionable...

Damn, someone started talking to me on skype and I lost my track of thought :D That's all I can produce right now,I'm sorry :D

Mirjana wrote:David,
It is nice to see you back. I enjoyed your thoughts, as usually.


Thank you very much Mirjana, and I'm sorry for having such long pauses between posting, but you know... In my case it is affected by certain factors, for example how much a topic appeals to me and how much it "starts up my brain". Or how much I am in the mood... Stuff like that lol
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