The Power of Forgiveness

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Re: The Power of Forgiveness

Postby Sabina » Sun Apr 18, 2010 12:56 am

Holly, Dermot,
I have a question for you two.

The situation is the following.
Someone close to you hurts you.
You forgive them (with the already mentioned motivation and reasoning).
Some time goes by and they hurt you again, in a similar way.
You forgive them (same reasoning).
They do it again.
What do you do?
"Whether You believe you can, or you can't, you are right."
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Re: The Power of Forgiveness

Postby mirjana » Sun Apr 18, 2010 12:59 am

Ok, although I am not asked, =0( , please to read “The Little Soul and the Sun” by Neale Donald Walsch.
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Re: The Power of Forgiveness

Postby HGolightly » Sun Apr 18, 2010 2:36 am

Sabina wrote:Holly, Dermot,
I have a question for you two.

The situation is the following.
Someone close to you hurts you.
You forgive them (with the already mentioned motivation and reasoning).
Some time goes by and they hurt you again, in a similar way.
You forgive them (same reasoning).
They do it again.
What do you do?


Sabina,

If it is someone who is close to me that hurts me - a repeated offender. I still forgive. Over the years, I have learned to develop the art of "self-preservation" and have made a conscious decision to love and accept that individual(s) in all. I'm just more aware and allow myself to be open to the possibility for any concerted efforts made by the person, or to positive changes that may cultivate within the person who has hurt me. I generally hope for the best, but kind of prepare for the worst. In that, I try to keep my expectations low for the repeated offender. I really don't know how to explain it any further than this. I just like to be open to the possibility that people can change.

I have witnessed positive changes and growth amongst people who have been very hurtful, and I do my very best to embrace this ... at this very moment I'm chuckling, as I just experienced this very scenario with one of my family members two days ago. A repeated offender. This person reached out to me after a bit of silence - in what appeared as an earnest effort to talk. Even extended an invitation for me to visit her prior to my upcoming trip. I was elated; yet, kind of mentally prepared for a bit of back peddling, which occurred. Sure, I opened my heart and was stung for about 30 minutes - so what! What really mattered is she did her best, seemed sincere, and we had a few days where we really connected. It gets easier dealing with repeaters, as long as I am mindful of this. Then, I am able let it go and move on.

<3
Last edited by HGolightly on Sun Apr 18, 2010 3:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Power of Forgiveness

Postby HGolightly » Sun Apr 18, 2010 2:38 am

mirjana wrote:Ok, although I am not asked, =0( , please to read “The Little Soul and the Sun” by Neale Donald Walsch.


Mirjana, I'm sorry. I will read "The Little Soul and the Sun" ... Thank you!

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Re: The Power of Forgiveness

Postby dermot » Sun Apr 18, 2010 11:34 am

Sabina wrote:
Holly, Dermot,
I have a question for you two.

The situation is the following.
Someone close to you hurts you.
You forgive them (with the already mentioned motivation and reasoning).
Some time goes by and they hurt you again, in a similar way.
You forgive them (same reasoning).
They do it again.
What do you do?

Shoot them Sabina.........next question?

I kind of like the reasoning that suggests that Nobody can hurt you unless you choose to feel hurt.
If somebody says something nasty about me, its their opinion...right or wrong, what they think of me is actually none of my business.......?

In a way, if there is a repeat offender close to me....for example a family member, it should be easier to reconcile whats happening.
It would not make sense to continue to allow this person to abuse me, i would have to decide based on experience to not extend myself totally (Holly's back peddling analogy). Until they become a safe place for me to go, i dont go there......and that may or may not happen.

i remember taking a call from my ex one day as i was driving, as i expected she became abusive on the phone so i called it as i saw it and told her i was not going to accept her anger. When i hung up i decided to time my reaction to the call....in other words check how long it affected me.
My reaction took almost an hour to dissipate, but then with awareness i found myself returning to base camp.

Sometimes we just got to see where someone else it at.........and choose to leave them there.

d.
....the heart only whispers, be still and listen....
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Re: The Power of Forgiveness

Postby Sabina » Sun Apr 18, 2010 12:15 pm

When we talk about forgiving someone, are we talking about forgiving as in not holding any kind of grudge (option 1)?
Or are we talking about exposing ourselves (heart, mind, everything) in the same manner as before whatever happened (option 2)?

That seems to be the "problem" here...
For me, forgiving as in not holding a grudge is fairly easy. So, when I talk about forgiveness, I am always and only talking about forgiving all the way... practically like nothing happened before, so also choosing to wholeheartedly expose your heart and mind to that person again.

So, like I said, maybe we are talking about two different things here.
Could you clarify that part for me please?
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Re: The Power of Forgiveness

Postby dermot » Sun Apr 18, 2010 1:33 pm

Sabina,
yes option 1. is quite easy.....and relatively shallow in comparison to option 2.

However i think with time its just another step to being able to use option 2. WIth my ex for example, i am able to see where she is at, im also able to forgive .............

Actually scratch that......there are times when its not possible or rather not advisable to open your heart.

My analogy re my ex made me consider again, and there is no way its possible to open my heart in dealing with her.........she is not capable of responding in kind, and would take advantage of that situation.
Best anyone can do is remain open to change, but not to assume there will be?
d.
....the heart only whispers, be still and listen....
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Re: The Power of Forgiveness

Postby Sabina » Sun Apr 18, 2010 1:50 pm

dermot wrote:Best anyone can do is remain open to change, but not to assume there will be?

Right.. that's kind of what I am thinking as well.
If someone hurts you (not you specifically, but in general) repeatedly, and you not only forgive but return for more, then at some point you are simply a pathological victim.
In that sense it has nothing to do with being spiritually enlightened and it is not anything positive anymore.

Understanding where they come from, what problems brought them where they are, etc. is one thing. That means you forgive them, because you understand that they have their burdens to carry, and in a way, you can even sympathize with them. Wish them well, etc. No need to hold a grudge.
Choosing to expose your heart to someone who stabs it (or tries to anyway, regardless of whether they succeed or not), and choosing to do so repeatedly is something different entirely.

In closing, any time forgiveness is mentioned I am careful, because I don't yet know what exactly someone means by it. So I try to understand.
"Whether You believe you can, or you can't, you are right."
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