The Institution of Marriage

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The Institution of Marriage

Postby Sabina » Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:12 pm

In this modern world the institution of marriage seems almost unnecessary, yet same-gendered couples are fighting for the right to be married. People get married every day, all over the world. Why?

I used to think that religion had something to do with that, but the institution of marriage predates organized religion. One of the oldest recorded laws on marriage that we know of today comes from the Code of Hammurabi, created circa 1790 BC, in ancient Babylon.

In Ancient Greece there was no particular wedding ceremony. It was enough for the man and the woman to agree to the marriage and from then on regard each other as such. With the Romans it was similar. Marriage and divorce were a matter of agreement and didn't require any consent from the government nor religious leaders, nor any ceremony to be performed.
In it said that in the 12th century aristocrats saw marriage and love as two separate things, hence love was something that could only be found in adultery.

The meaning and laws of marriage have changed and developed with time, again and again, but now in the 21st century, why do people still get married? Marriage is seen as the ultimate seal on love, the commitment from both sides to be together from then on, and share everything, the good and the bad... but people still get divorced, and from what I've heard the chances of a marriage succeeding are about 50-50.

If marriage was a matter of agreement like in Ancient Greece, then there is no harm in it, in a way. No hassle either way. But it is not that simple anymore. Getting married isn't as simple, and getting divorced is in most cases infinitely more complicated.

Ever since my teens I used to preach that marriage should be an agreement that automatically dissolves after 5 years. Then the couple could either get married again, if they wished to do so, or they could remain divorced. No big deal. My way of thinking was that this way nobody could ever take their partner of granted and/or treat them like they are bound to be together for life, like there is some kind of guarantee that it will all work out.
Wherever I looked I saw marriages that were held together for various reasons, mostly practical, but pretty much be anything - except for real love.

I am married. At the time of our wedding I was certain that my husband-to-be is my soulmate, and I know he thought the same of me. If every marriage was a development of that belief, then I could understand it (better), but people get married all the time because they are in love, or because they value certain traits in their partner, or because they want to have children, or so they are not so lonely, or .... all kinds of reasons. Why?

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Re: The Institution of Marriage

Postby dermot » Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:54 pm

Ah Yes.

Man did not know what happiness was, until he got married...........then it was too late.

Huge pressure on young women growing up to have a big white wedding? I have heard many women talk about it, its their day, the happiest day of their lives etc..
Does that seem right, to me every day should hold that promise, and yes Sabina i agree that staying with someone should be an ongoing choice rather than a convention.

Its much more difficult and costly to get divorced in Ireland, and divorce has only been here since the mid 90's i think. To me its sad that a married relationship that ends, has to go to divorce because the act of getting divorce seems to involve legal teams using strong arm tactics to achieve what could be agreed.
My ex filed for divorce citing several reasons (one was enough!), the papers contained untruths.
When i met my solicitor i wanted to refute the allegations and claim my good name back. She told me that was irrelevant, and asked me to go home and come back with the 10 worst transgressions my ex had made during our marriage.

Its a system set up to extract as much money from both parties as possible.

In answer to your question...i do not know why marriage exists as it is, there would seem to be better ways to make a bond.

And yes it is an Institution!
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Re: The Institution of Marriage

Postby GenerousGeorge » Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:47 am

"First shoot all the lawyers."
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Re: The Institution of Marriage

Postby Pat » Wed Mar 17, 2010 3:17 pm

Marriage in this country (USA) is big business and that will keep it going.
I like your Idea about renewing your marriage every five years.
I know some people who have been together for 50 and 60 years but i don't think that is common any more and nor should it be we change over the course of years. We can grow in separate ways and away from each other. We are not the same person through out our lives.
:)
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Re: The Institution of Marriage

Postby Alvino » Fri Mar 19, 2010 11:24 am

DERMOT, I see you have some IRISH culture so I know YOU KNOW
what God meant when he told us males = a MAN MUST NOT HAVE TWO MASTERS.

From your first comment about what happens AFTER a man marries
it appears to me YOU changed GOD'S advice to us Males a bit to:

" A MAN should not have EVEN ONE MASTER in life".
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Re: The Institution of Marriage

Postby dermot » Fri Mar 19, 2010 6:56 pm

Alvino,

im not sure i understand your comments. Yes i have lots of Irish culture, not all of it is tied to religion of course, and being Irish does not prevent me from having an open mind, or a balanced moral code based on my own choices.

I would be pleased if you expanded what you meant, and would like the opportunity to reply also.

regards
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Re: The Institution of Marriage

Postby lisa » Sun Mar 21, 2010 1:33 am

Sabina: I love your idea of the 5 year plan on marriage. It seems to make so much sense, at least for me anyway. Gee, if only my previous husband and I done that. We would have been divorced a long time ago now. Also, we wouldn't be still waiting for the other person to start the proceedings as we are now, even 13 years after separating!
All in all however I do believe in the constitution of marriage.
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Re: The Institution of Marriage

Postby Alvino » Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:44 am

Mr Dermot:
God kindly told us men NOT TO have two masters.
He was telling you and me NOT TO HAVE TWO wifes.

that was ALL I TOLD YOU =

You indicated a man would lose LOTS of his freedom
if he MARRIED JUST ONE WIFE
or maybe U DID NOT HINT THAT at all.

at any rate = this (my ) topic has to END or
I will assign myself to the Special Room for comments
about women.
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Re: The Institution of Marriage

Postby Sabina » Sun Mar 21, 2010 5:07 am

lisa wrote:Sabina: I love your idea of the 5 year plan on marriage. It seems to make so much sense, at least for me anyway. Gee, if only my previous husband and I done that. We would have been divorced a long time ago now. Also, we wouldn't be still waiting for the other person to start the proceedings as we are now, even 13 years after separating!
All in all however I do believe in the constitution of marriage.
Lisa

Lisa,

Wow! 13 years is a long time for "proceedings". I can hardly speak against marriage, or I could theoretically... but it wouldn't make much sense since I am married. But yes, I also like the 5 year plan, if nothing else, then as a mental note. A kind of ever-present awareness of why we got married to begin with.

Alvino wrote:at any rate = this (my ) topic has to END or
I will assign myself to the Special Room for comments
about women.

B0) Alvino,
Feel free to begin a new topic in any forum which you deem appropriate for comments about women. I don't know about the others, but I am always very curious to hear such comments. :)

Sabina
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Re: The Institution of Marriage

Postby dermot » Sun Mar 21, 2010 2:07 pm

"Alvino wrote"

Mr Dermot:
God kindly told us men NOT TO have two masters.
He was telling you and me NOT TO HAVE TWO wifes.

Ok Mr, Alvino, but you did not enquire about which God, if any, i follow, or whether i class a wife as a 'Master', or whether i divorced my ex wife, or whether she divorced me.

I did not hint or say that a man loses all or any 'freedom' when he marries.

I belive its better to assume that someone may have real reasons for their behaviour, than to assume they dont.

Either way......its probably better not to Judge?

I wont be going to the 'Comments about Women' room !
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