Resolution?

By Agate

Resolution?

Postby Agate » Mon Sep 06, 2010 3:22 pm

I guess it's pretty obvious that I was upset when I wrote the Mama Drama post. I thought writing it all out would help dispel some of the negativity. I was wrong.

But looking at the situation, I realized something. My bitterness and anger toward Mom is doing nothing to resolve the issue. More to the point, it was building and worsening to the point it was beginning to endanger my health. Elsewhere I described this emotion as "caustic enough to corrode diamonds."

I wasn't exaggerating.

So for weeks now I've been trying to find a way to purge all that ugliness. The challenging part was doing so in a way that harmed no one. I know full well the magnitude and destructive potential of that emotion; the idea of the damage it could do to an innocent bystander is not pleasant! Chewing the matter over last night, I think I found my answer. And as is so often the case with me, it's both the simplest and most challenging road.

Love.

I made the conscious decision to love my bitterness. I went deep into myself and addressed it as if it were a person I needed to make amends with...and loved it. I expressed gratitude for lessons learned; for giving me a reservoir of emotion to add power to my writing, for pushing me to be strong. I loved my bitterness the way glass loves the acid used to etch it, like a blade loves the forge. I think I cried a little.

And some of the old pain melted away.

Chances are I'll have to make that decision time and time again; I've got a feeling there's more to sort through than I'm aware of. But today at least I feel a bit lighter.

It's a big step forward in getting this Temple clean again.
Everyone's got a tale to tell,
I know I'm not the first, or last but somewhere in-between;
Not best but not the worst.
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Re: Resolution?

Postby mirjana » Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:34 pm

I like both your last posts. They are cleansing and that is good.
I wrote a little poem under the topic Illusion http://www.deepspirits.com/exploration/illusion-p6219.html#p6219 that is my answer to your posts here too.
We are here to love and nurture ourselves first. Only then we are able to feel the same for others. Building an illusion about ourselves or others, being this and that, we lose the connection with this essential part of us. Every awakening is welcome and should be celebrated.
Celebrate yours and enjoy the moment of cleansing.
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