Renovating the Temple

By Agate

Renovating the Temple

Postby Agate » Wed Jun 23, 2010 4:23 pm

[quote="Sabina"]So why exactly did you decide to stop eating meat?

The question is a good one, and deserves its own thread. Fair warning, it's rather long-winded.

The surface answers are easy. I'm 32, both in age and trouser size, and this is one of times that I clearly see a fork in my personal road. I can make drastic changes, or I can die. This is the change that feels right. And yes, that qualifies as a surface answer!

Digging deeper made me really look at the relationship I have with food.

I'm not sure whether or not one can be literally addicted to food, but in a lot of ways, food has always been my drug of choice. As a kid, sneaking snacks was an act of rebellion...which later became a direct (though unconscious) attempt at self-sabotage. If I get too fat and ugly, then Mr. M. will leave me alone.

And I figured I was already fat, ugly, and stupid, could never change any of that, so why fight? It was far easier to live down to the expectations of the adults around me than to fight them. I already knew that resisting them was pointless, so why resist?

All of that was firmly established in my mind before I was eleven.

I went through a period of denying myself food. I was damaging my body to earn praise. It was a sick sort of win-win situation; I got the positive attention I so desperately wanted, while inflicting pain I felt I deserved on myself at the same time.

It took a long, long time to sort all that mess out. Only recently did I realize something crucial, which became the core of my decision to give up meat.

Raised Christian, I was always taught that my body was a temple, and that I should take care of it carefully to make it a fitting home for God. For years, my "temple" had been defiled by others. And after I was safe, I picked up where they left off.


A building has no say about what goes on inside of it...and as a child I had no say over what was done to my body. But I'm an adult now, and while I've cleared out most of the rubbish from inside my head, I was still quietly and subconsciously hurting myself. My "temple" was defiled beyond repair, so why not let it fall into ruin?

Because it's not the fault of the temple that it was defiled.

My body is in kind of rough shape just now. Most of the issues I'm dealing with are directly related to my weight. For the first time in my life, I'm able to clearly look at the whole situation and make a conscious decision on what to do. And like I said earlier, this is a time to choose.

If I wanted to, I could keep on like I have been...but I don't even need to look to know where that road would lead. Just typing that sentence was enough to induce a future-flicker...of me dead of a heart attack at 40.

I'm a creature of extremes. Small changes typically don't take, baby-steps generally don't work. I have to do whatever it takes to repair my body now 'cause there may not be another chance.

And somehow this brings me back to the "it just feels right" argument. There are plenty of drastic (though nutritionally sound) diet plans that do not involve giving up meat totally. I looked at several of them...and none felt right.

The keystones of healthy weight loss are diet and exercise. The key to a healthy Self (in my opinion) is balance. So I altered my diet, and am starting a yoga class. The puzzle pieces are starting to come together, I know gut-deep that these are the steps I need to take to get myself back in balance.

It may be hard, but I'm gonna get this temple of mine cleaned up and renovated.
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Re: Renovating the Temple

Postby Sabina » Wed Jun 23, 2010 5:33 pm

Agate, thank you for sharing your renovation plans with us in more detail.
I think what you are doing is great and that you will feel wonderful when you reach your goals! Try to always keep these goals in front of you. And compliment yourself on every success, no matter how little.

Something else you could try to do when you get one of your cravings, for whatever food-related, is to go exercise immediately.
You mentioned that you are a creature of extremes... and I have some experience with that (...), so I can imagine that giving yourself an exercise-kick (so going extreme in that direction) could be helpful in a moment in which you crave the opposite. Exhaust yourself physically!

With time you will find a balance for yourself between the two.


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Re: Renovating the Temple

Postby mirjana » Wed Jun 23, 2010 5:51 pm

Thank you for this sharing =0)
I also think that Sabina's tips are good.
What else could be of help is to see what is that what you like to do the most, I mean some creative work. If there is anything of that kind (writing is not bad too), then concentrate on that so that your full attention goes in that direction.
There is a movie Julie and Julia where one amateur chef decides to cook every recipe in a cook book from acclaimed celebrity chef Julia Child. In order to achieve her goal, she started her chronicle over the year which was her period of time for achieving her goal. That chronicle was her helping hand for the moments of doubts and tiredness when she was at the edge to quit.
You started your chronicle here in DS and you are not alone in this anymore. Each down moment can be shared and therefore easier to pass through it. There are also friends that give a hand in such situation so that you get this temple of yours cleaned up and renovated.
I think that your chronicle here about your ups and downs with psychological observations about all possible changes and writing about them all, as you are good with words and the same time open and willing to share, could be of great help for many other people with similar problems. Many of them lack to stay on their path. Writing about your goal makes it useful for others and therefore it becomes higher which could be additional motivation to your primary goal.
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