Married Life

What should the ideal community or society be like?
Thoughts and ideas on making the utopian idea reality.

Married Life

Postby Sabina » Mon Mar 08, 2010 7:03 pm

I wasn't sure where to put this topic, but since my views of marriage seem to be very Utopian, I decided to post them to this forum.
First off, I feel that I should explain my current state of mind as I write this. I am very very sad. Downright depressed.
I have just watched the at this moment latest addition to the Funny videos thread. The first video was great, and I could write a separate article about that. The next 3 videos are what did it for me....
    - Chris Rock on Love
    - Martin Lawrence on Jealous Women
    - Chris Rock - Never scared - Married life
Those three.

My first thought was, what kind of women are these two men surrounded with to see women - in general - this way?
80|

But then I realized.... the audience is laughing... laughing hard...
They are laughing because they recognize themselves, their partners, their life in the various examples. They recognize it, so that is how it is for them.
It is not just the comedians who speak this way and see it this way.. it is the audience as well.
Realizing what all this means, remembering my own conclusions at one point in life, I felt overcome with sadness, and shortly after that crushed by despair.
I am not just being poetic here... I really felt crushed into pieces.

When I was a teenager I liked to observe people. What I observed was that most marriages were a joke filled with cliches - in my personal opinion. I witnessed women talk about "their men" and laugh at them, and I witnessed men talk about "their women" and "other women" (in a different sense than about their own) and it was all very funny to them as well. Quite a bit like these 3 videos, plus variations.
Listening to these men and women talk about their chosen partners, I was first confused and later disgusted.
If this is how they felt about their partners then what the **** are they doing with them?!

I am about to become very judgmental, insensitive and unwise. All spiritually sensitive people should stop reading right now!

If you are married, love your partner. That should be the reason why you got married in the first place.
If you have a problem with something they do, tell them and tell them gently. Explain how it makes you feel, what it means for you.
If your partner doesn't respect you, leave them.
If your partner bores you, leave them.
If you are tempted to laugh at your partner, and make jokes behind their backs, leave them.
If you don't leave them, love them.

What kind of people think it is funny to laugh at their partner and then go home to them?
What does that make them? I mean the laughing ones?
It makes them a loser, a coward and unfortunately - a cliche as well.

If you don't like something about your life, get off your butt and change it.
Don't just complain about it, don't be passive about it. And... never ever - I mean never ever blame other people for your problems.
Other people can influence our life - most definitely.
But if you don't do anything to change your situation, then you are the only one you can blame.

Imagine a barbaric scream at the end of this.
"Whether You believe you can, or you can't, you are right."
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Re: Married Life

Postby mirjana » Mon Mar 08, 2010 8:30 pm

First of all, another brilliant article, Sabina. How this one inspired me I said in our Consultation section
deep-spirits-articles-t317.html
I shall definitely answer in this topic, but I need to organize my thoughts about it. ;0)
As about the sad reason that inspired you to write this article, there are two things about it:
- It brought something good, this article and hopefully good talk about the subject;
- My thoughts about that material I shall say there where it belongs.

Mirjana
=0)
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Re: Married Life

Postby Sabina » Mon Mar 08, 2010 9:19 pm

I just remembered another reason why people laugh.
They think it distinguishes them from the kind of people that the comedian is talking about. They think that their laughter shows that they are "above it".
And another possibility...
They just enjoy the humor without putting any thought into it whatsoever. I guess that is a possibility as well, even it seems like a gloomy explanation to me.

Sabina
"Whether You believe you can, or you can't, you are right."
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Re: Married Life

Postby dermot » Mon Mar 08, 2010 9:34 pm

Great post Sabina,
i think what we are dealing with here is 'lowest common denominator' material. Its easy for a commedian or bar room cynic to get a laugh based on a type of discrimination.

Truth is a lot of people do not use honesty in a rigorous way, this allows them to skate along, creating resentments all of their own making, and blaming whomever they choose to.

There are situations that happen, things that happen to people within marriage's that change the dynamic, after that it can go either way, time will take its toll.
I agree with you, its not ok to laugh at anyone, cowardly when its someone you supposedly love or even have loved.
dermot
....the heart only whispers, be still and listen....
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Re: Married Life

Postby Pat » Mon Mar 08, 2010 10:12 pm

Sabina I can totally appreciate your feelings about this . It seems that marriage has gotten a bad rap and itis funny to make fun of your partner in a marriage it is actually expected ... If you were to go to a party and praise your spouse many would think you were either lying or nieve.

There is something very sad in a society that believes that it is a good and funny thing to denigrate your spouse.
I hae so much more to say but unfortunatly my time is up at the library... I will write more.
Pat
:)
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Re: Married Life

Postby Alvino » Tue Mar 09, 2010 12:33 am

there is laughing at you, Sabina and there is Ridiculing you
two different animals.

If my children make funnies about me I am in HEAVEN and feel
immensely loved. If my grandchildrent make jokes or funnies about me
I am in Heaven and feel immensly loved.
Two weeks ago I told my 12 yr old grandson in UTAH to come
here to san antontion Tx to help me defend MYSELF against
one person who was taking me to arbritation cause him and wife
claimed i took over 4 thousand dollars of personal property from them
and city code violation people had issued me a ticket = and
i had one lawsuit hearing coming up. I told him he had been awesome
in his mature ASSISTANCE he had given me in the past in two
lawsuit hearing and similar situations. so I needed his help.

his response by email GRANDPA THE COPS in San Antonio must be
getting really Blind or lazy if they could ONLY FIND three
things you did wrong.

all grandchildren over 10 laugh AT ME A LOT and i always am
HORRIBLE , horrible hurt when they respond with wittism s
(no respect, no love for me and by making my heart hurt deeply
and i tell them often it is against the law in the USA for grandchildren
and wives to laugh at their grandpa = husband BUT
they do NOT HEAR A WORD I SAY.

ALSO , often when they laugh at me, I order them to go get me a stick
a REALLY BIG STICK but they ignore my order or the real bad ones
come back with a Palm leave or small twig.
IN Short NO one likes me so YES it is bad, real bad for others to laugh at us.
It is awful to be called a big criminal or big City Code violator by your own beloved,
beautiful, brilliant grandson or by a sister or brother.
I know over a dozen people who frequently laugh at me or make fun of me.
Sometimes at the dump when we are unloading trash the dump staff think one of my workers
is the owner of the humounous truck I drive and owner of the business because of the way I dress
(and maybe cause I unload harder and more then they do). And this results
in lots of laughing at me for some days when they tell the story to women and men.
in short Children dearly love to laugh at me.
And their laughing at me HURTS ME SO VERY NICE and Wonderful
and Heavenly. .

.
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Re: Married Life

Postby Sabina » Tue Mar 09, 2010 12:46 am

Alvino,

What you are describing is your family joking with you. That is completely different from what I wrote about. Humor is or can be one of the best things in the world, and I would definitely not speak out against it. The point is, there is a big difference whether someone jokes about you with you, or just talks trash in a joking manner behind your back.

Plus... all 3 videos I mentioned support ridiculous cliches and gender-specific stereotypes.

Sabina
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Re: Married Life

Postby theadvertheretic » Tue Mar 09, 2010 4:22 am

Beautiful People!

- and specially Sabina! =0)
Health is much better, but when I posted those videos to Sabina on the IM. I was thinking about how would she take it because currently she is in an awesome marriage stage, which seems to be exhibited from the very words she uses. I guess I know now how she felt.
;0)


But the reason why I did put up the videos was the reason because when I did see the the whole New Scared Tour video I was left with sore cheeks and jaws.
80S

Probably, it was entertaining to me for "numerous" reasons. But, I did not intend to sentimentalize the married folk on Deep Spirit.
=0(

I apologise. =0X



=0)
महीप

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
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Re: Married Life

Postby Sabina » Tue Mar 09, 2010 4:39 am

=0@
Dear Maheep... what would you say if I told you that my views of marriage were always this way?
It has nothing to do with my "awesome marriage stage". :))
(Although that sounds very very very cute)

I don't behave a certain way just because things are good and then a different way when things are bad.
It's important to be authentic, otherwise our words become meaningless.

AND... last but not least - no apology needed - at all!
The videos inspired me to write something. I have expressed myself... <3 =0@ 80S
All is good.

PS: I cannot watch the video you added to your post right now because of volume. So, I'll do that tomorrow, or rather, later today. :)
"Whether You believe you can, or you can't, you are right."
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Re: Married Life

Postby Leahann » Tue Mar 09, 2010 8:31 am

Sabina,

Well earlier today I actually responded to this thread...but it disappeared...so I guess it got lost in cyberspace which usually is a good indication that it should not be posted... 80|

Imagine a barbaric scream at the end of this.


I have to admit we had a good chuckle over this comment and it was truly in the most loving manner...I could see you stomping your foot down, hands clenched at the side as you let out this barbaric scream!! I Love It!!!

While I would not actually watch the video's as it tends to effect me in a similar manner...only I am more prone to be depressed or sad about it...I've seen many of those types and been witness to so many couples playing these games out with each other present...which is very unnerving when you are on the other end of it.

I think what has happened along the way is that people find themselves in marriages that were not based on a deep understanding of Love and compassion, and then resort to a bitter anger against one another...rather then admit that a mistake was made.

Somehow we have created a taboo in this area as a society, that if you are not happy you can not admit it but must suffer it's consequences until it becomes so unbearable that to part becomes the only sane answer.

There are many fun things about each gender that I find to be very funny when addressed, because we really are different in so many ways, as men do think differently from women, and so often we do things that we understand within our gender, but that men are confused about...etc.

However, when used as a weapon upon the other partner, this is of no use and only causes destruction and bad feelings...and it's really hard to watch this as a form of comedy, because it has become cruel at that point.

Again, we have societies that have placed these values on marriage and the opposite sex's into a social rule of sorts and we grow up believing in this rule and thinking that we must act this way in order to be normal or accepted...and this also is sad.

Marriage is not always an easy thing...we have differences...but I truly believe that with deep love for one another, deep respect and a true commitment we can discover one another in ways that are truly amazing.
<3 Leahann
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