Marks of a Loser

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Marks of a Loser

Postby Sabina » Wed Jun 02, 2010 1:51 pm

What are the marks of a loser? And I don't mean by social standards.
There could be many answers to this question depending on whom you ask, but I wanted to ask all of you here.
The highly spiritual answer to this question would be something like "Nobody is a loser, we are all something something and something another...."
I don't think that's true.
And I don't want to be fake spiritual, nor delusional, nor brainwashed, nor a liar.
We all have some idea of what a loser is to us personally.... whether it happens to match the standard definition (whichever that may be), or not. Having an idea of what kind of person we personally consider a loser can help us in life... it can help us make sure we don't allow ourselves to become that.
So, I am not asking about any standard definition, only for yours.

What are the marks of a loser, in your opinion?
Feel free to elaborate on the why, if you would you like.
"Whether You believe you can, or you can't, you are right."
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Re: Marks of a Loser

Postby Ryan » Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:39 pm

A loser, for me, is someone that does not think for themselves...
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Re: Marks of a Loser

Postby mirjana » Wed Jun 02, 2010 3:18 pm

A loser is for me a person who is running away from self, creating false image about self and living therefore false life.
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Re: Marks of a Loser

Postby dermot » Wed Jun 02, 2010 5:34 pm

A loser is someone who...

grows old too quickly
adopts stereotypical ideas/habits
does not think for themselves,
does not look you in the eye,
hides his character,
doesnt care, is apathetic

all the above and maybe some more.
d.
....the heart only whispers, be still and listen....
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Re: Marks of a Loser

Postby Sabina » Fri Jun 11, 2010 3:33 pm

Sabina wrote:
What are the marks of a loser, in your opinion?
Feel free to elaborate on the why, if you would you like.


I agree with all of the replies posted so far, so my thought were more along the lines of what else would fit here for me, other than the already mentioned.

- Setting a plan or a goal for yourself and then changing your mind. Especially if the mind changing is done out of fear.
Not as an occasional occurrence, but rather as a repeated, recurring behavior, so a pattern.

- Misrepresenting oneself
Mirjana actually mentioned that when she wrote "creating false image about self"

- I also tend to see liars as losers, although that is not so easily defined.
Some people lie sometimes and are not necessarily a loser in my eyes, at least not right off. Lying to oneself or lying to someone close is the worst category of lying - for me.

- Externalizing
Blaming others for your problems, again, especially if there is such a pattern.
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Re: Marks of a Loser

Postby Daywhite » Sun Jun 13, 2010 4:57 am

Sabina said, Having an idea of what kind of person we personally consider a loser can help us in life... it can help us make sure we don't allow ourselves to become that.


I thought basically this when I read what you meant by the topic, that maybe along with, or instead of, asking what is a loser, one could ask what are you most afraid of becoming?

For me, I could answer simply, a Republican, a Conservative, a narrow/closed minded bigot, someone who follows rules unquestioned, someone who sees no connection between themselves and the rest of the universe...I could say I agree with Ryan, but then I fear Ryan would think me a loser =0)

To answer for myself, what am I most afraid of becoming...? Or, perhaps, what are the opposites of the things I most value in myself? I question pretty much everything (probably too much, but that's another post), and I like that; I like my mind. A friend once asked what was my favorite thing about myself, and I said my mind. She then asked what was my least favorite thing about myself, and I said my mind. And I was 100% serious each time.

If I tell you what I see as the marks of a winner, perhaps we could find some clear answers in their opposites.

I see a winner as someone living his life by his rules, by rules true to his soul. He doesn't ask what belief is in fashion this season, what is it "cool" to do; he simply lives his life. A man working in his garden all day, then relaxing on the porch with a lemonade is as true a winner as one who spends time, money, and energy to climb Mt. Everest. The definition of winner, for me, isn't based on what one does as much as why one does. I would value the man sitting on his porch, true to what he wants to do, much more than one who may climb Everest to prove to others he can, or hoping for any acclaim that may come his way. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with climbing Everest or any other so-called incredible feat, but for me it's the why that matters. One could be a winner and never leave the town he was born in, and one could be a loser while circumnavigating the globe or universe.

Winners are those who, "...can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;.." For me, winners try; they get knocked down, bloodied and bowed, but they continue on, they fight through their own doubt and the doubts and questions of those around them. As is said of bravery, bravery isn't an absence of fear; it's feeling the fear and continuing on to do what needs to be done. Success and failure are irrelevant. The glory is in the act. That is why there is no try, so to speak; the attempt, the try itself, is the success. So many never attempt, never question why; their lives are dictated by fear. A man, I feel can be seen as a great success by all around him; however, if he is not true to his soul's calling, accepting applause and glory over asking and following his soul's answer, I could see him as nothing more than sad. A man can be a societal hero and remain nothing more than a personal failure; that would be a true loser.

The following poem describes a winner. Losers may not understand.



If
-- Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
"Sometimes you do it to save your own life, not anybody else's. That's mostly why I write. I'm not trying to change anybody else's life or the world; I'm trying to keep from blowing my own brains out. That's the real point." -- Guy Clark
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Re: Marks of a Loser

Postby mirjana » Sun Jun 13, 2010 2:36 pm

Daywhite!
Your latest posts are like little booklets, so many thoughts and ideas, never only an answer connected to the topic. I love the way how you transform the topic shifting it on the next level, maybe a bit more personal.
So, I love the way you answered not only what makes a loser according to your opinion, but what makes the opposite, the winner. Then the thought about that what you are personally mostly afraid of is a beautiful enrichment of the topic too.
I do not know if I am a winner, (I am definitely not a loser), but the poem IF is one of my dearest and you found a right place to post it. Whenever I visit our poetry section where we can vote for poems, even I would like to balance some poems there; almost always somehow I choose to give my vote again to this poem. It is brilliant!!!
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Re: Marks of a Loser

Postby anvilman4 » Sun Jun 13, 2010 11:44 pm

I think a loser is someone who knows what he/she should do, but then fails to do it. I guess to varying extents this applies to most people, but I find the more of what I do which I know I should do, the more satisfying and fulfilling my life becomes.
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Re: Marks of a Loser

Postby mirjana » Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:27 am

anvilman4,
Welcome to DS =0)
I like your answer and I quoted it in another topic about laziness http://www.deepspirits.com/exploration/just-laziness-p5398.html#p5398
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