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Love styles

PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2011 9:57 pm
by Sabina
[color=#65192c]I don't have a particular reason for posting this here, other than it seemed worth sharing and may even prove to be interesting material for a discussion... So, if you have any thoughts, associations, or observations, please do share![/color]

[bgcolor=#65192c][color=#f5eacd][size=150]Love styles[/size] are models of how people love, originally developed by John Lee. He identified six basic love styles - also known as "colors" of love - that people use in their interpersonal relationships:

A passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love.

A love that is played as a game or sport; conquest; may have multiple partners at once.

An affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity (kindred to Philia).

Love that is driven by the head, not the heart; undemonstrative.

Obsessive love; experience great emotional highs and lows; very possessive and often jealous lovers.

Selfless altruistic love; spiritual.[/color][/bgcolor]

Re: Love styles

PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 12:37 am
by mirjana
When I researched about these information you have presented about love styles, I crossed interesting information about how people form romantic attachments to each other within these love styles.
Eros and Agape

Eros and Agape are linked to Secure Attachment which means that secure individuals are comfortable being close to their partners. They are comfortable having someone depend on them just as they are comfortable being dependent on another individual. They are more trusting, open, and understanding. They approach problems and issues that with their partners in a constructive manner.
Securely attached individuals are more likely to tell the truth than people who are more anxious or dismissing in nature.

Mania is linked to Anxious Attachment which means that anxious individuals are concerned that their partners will leave them. They are obsessed with their relationships and everything that happens in them. They rarely feel completely loved and they experience extreme emotional highs and lows. Besides, anxiously attached individuals are hard to satisfy. They constantly monitor their relationships for problems. Their need for love, makes them easier to be taken advantage of which creates even more suspicion and doubt.
Having a fear to be rejected, anxious/preoccupied individuals will to lie to their partner. They will also lie in order to please their partners, telling them what they want to hear - whether it is the truth or not.

Ludus is linked to Dismissing Attachment. This type is uncomfortable with intimacy, or frightened of intimacy. They do not like it when people get close, and they don’t like being dependent on a partner or having someone be dependent on them. They tend not to trust others, and they are more self-sufficient, cynical, and independent in nature. They do not fall deeply in love, or at least not easily, and they need less affection and intimacy. Dismissing individuals are more oriented toward their careers, hobbies, and activities than their relationships. They easily display negative feelings and hostility toward their loved ones.
Because they are uncomfortable with intimacy and being close to a romantic partner, in order to keep the partner on the distance dismissing partners are also easily ready to lie.

Re: Love styles

PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 5:38 pm
by dermot
"It can be looked at in this way: a human being has three compartments.
The first is Sattwic where peace and light prevail. The Sattwic person is centred here though he uses all rooms. He moves into the second for his daily work, but he is still conscious of the light.He uses the lowest room of Tamas for sleep. Here there is no light, but whenever he gets up he moves into the other rooms.
The man of Rajas is centred in the second room. He has no knowledge of the first room, but he has some ideas about it.
The man of Tamas, lives entirely in the third room, and for him the other two do not exist. They are neither cleaned or looked after, and eventually fall into decay.
It is important for us to look after all three.

The three Gunas (energies)
SATTWA - illuminating and sustaining
RAJAS - creating and moving
TAMAS - regulating and dissolving

All three present everywhere and at all times - but in different combinations. They need to be balanced throught Wisdom.



(excessive) AGITATED FEAR

(excessive) DULL CLOSED

Hope this makes some sense.......i will try to answer questions if they arise, and i have the answers!


Re: Love styles

PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 5:11 pm
by mirjana

How would you place the six love style between these three: Sattwa, Rajas and Tamas?

Re: Love styles

PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 12:20 am
by dermot
Good question Mirjana......

Sattwa: Agape (on the basis that its unconditional)

Rajas: Eros, Ludus, Storge and Pragma (focus is on me and the beloved)

Tamas: Mania (obsessive and possessive)

I am not sure they fall easily into the headings above......but pretty close?


Re: Love styles

PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 11:01 pm
by mirjana
Thank you Dermot.
I have another question. Is there a way how to balance them? You said through wisdom. I understand that as a generally good choice, although not always easy to apply. But, I was curious if in this case this wisdom means something specific.

Re: Love styles

PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 11:25 pm
by dermot
Mirjana, going into higher consciousness would be a Sattwic journey and would raise awareness around the other the key is to always become as Sattwcic as possible. This would give present moment awareness and an escape from the busy mind (rajas), and the dull mind (tamas).
Meditation would help too.