Jealousy

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Re: Jealousy

Postby Sabina » Tue Apr 06, 2010 5:29 pm

earlb71 wrote:3. Is jealousy always bad? Or is the degree of jealousy that is wrong?


I don't think jealousy has to be bad at all, so definitely only the degree can be problematic.

Plus, if you are jealous and are aware that you are feeling that way, and if you maybe even communicate these feelings to the partner, then there really shouldn't be any problem at all.

Unless the jealous person is full of accusations or unless the partner is not-understanding and doesn't appreciate the honesty (and courage) that is required when one admits having these feelings.
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Re: Jealousy

Postby earlb71 » Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:05 am

I agree that facts can help counter jealousy, but is it the only way? Facts are not always available - especially with relationships. Two things I think might also help is perspective and experience.

With perspective I mean the ability to have an objective view so that jealousy does not spiral out of control.

Experience though is a difficult one, as it might help you understand what to expect, and so control jealousy. But I also met people that judged me on their past experiences that had nothing do with me - a kind of jealousy that's difficult to understand. I usually try to be patient and give the other person enough time to understand me - so maybe patience is also one to counter jealousy.

Don't think I'm a jealous person myself - never made logical sense to me. I never wanted to have what other people have, but then again, maybe I just had an easy life.

Also, is jealousy always between two individuals?
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Re: Jealousy

Postby GenerousGeorge » Wed Apr 07, 2010 3:18 pm

Jealousy, in my experience,is most common and more severe in people with low self esteem. 80|

If you are not happy and confident in yourself, many thing that in areality are noy a threat are perceived that way. 80S
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Re: Jealousy

Postby Sabina » Wed Apr 07, 2010 5:17 pm

George, I would rather say that jealousy as a "disease" is more common among people of low self-esteem, but I believe jealousy to actually be a fairly common human characteristic, just to different extents.
The extent of jealousy could also have to do with how possessive someone is, as well as opportunity.

earlb71 wrote:Also, is jealousy always between two individuals?

earlb71 or Earl (?), that is an excellent question, and, by the way, welcome to DS! :)

When I originally answered the question, I only thought of jealousy as something that mainly occurs between lovers, even though I am aware of other instances as well, such as siblings, etc. but the thought of jealousy as a large(r) scale phenomenon didn't really cross my mind.
Logically speaking, it should definitely be possible.
For clarification purposes... and because I like practical examples, let us assume that two people are happy together, and their friends are not happy in their individual relationships.
Theoretically speaking, the friends could be jealous of this happiness, or is that then envy?

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Re: Jealousy

Postby Ryan » Sat Apr 10, 2010 11:26 pm

Jealousy... I have been both extremely jealous and not at all jealous...
When I was a teen I was easily made jealous, but it wasn't due to lack of self esteem is was due to lack of trust. I realized that and came to understand that such things definitely don't help the relationship progress in a positive direction.

So, I found peace in my new found philosophy... leave it be... she either will or she won't... If she doesn't then great! If she does then the sooner the better and good riddance.

Well, I found out that wasn't very good either because it would seem that she might like that "a knight stands up and fights for her honor"... so there is a balance... let her know how whatever is going on makes you feel and if she comforts you and explains you have nothing to worry about then great! If she doesn't... well... I don't know what to tell you...
=0/

Anyway... I don't think I have had any experience with jealousy outside of the boy girl relationship... however, on deeper thoughts... when does admiration become envy?
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Re: Jealousy

Postby Sabina » Sun Apr 11, 2010 12:06 am

Ryan wrote:... on deeper thoughts... when does admiration become envy?

What made you connect admiration and envy?
Actually, I didn't see any relation at all first, call it denseness if you want, but of course there is one.
So, upon further thought I am inclined to say that admiration could transform into envy if you don't only want to have what someone else has (be it a characteristic or a thing or a person), but you also don't want them to have it anymore.
Admiration doesn't mind sharing, and envy usually wants to surpass, so either the other not to have it anymore, or you to have more of it, or to have something better than the other, or be better than the other. So envy could only occur if one has the need to prove something to someone or oneself, either consciously or unconsciously.

I do however believe that the word itself (envy) is used in much lighter variations in daily life. Sometimes people say "I envy you for that", and there is no bad feelings involved at all. And the word envy still fits.
Here is a banal example...
You know a movie which is great, you love it. You have seen it more than once, but it was never as exhilarating as the first time you watched it. Seeing that someone else is about to watch it for the first time can be exciting, because you are excited for them, and in a way envy the experience they are about to have.
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Re: Jealousy

Postby Ryan » Sun Apr 11, 2010 9:47 am

Right? So wouldn't envy simply be when one wishes for themselves that what another has and admiration would be when one notices and appreciates a quality or characteristic they deem to be... I don't know... special?
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Re: Jealousy

Postby GenerousGeorge » Tue Apr 13, 2010 4:35 am

Kind of like the friends with opposite sex dilemnna. 80S =0o B0)
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