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I Love You

PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:04 am
by Sabina
I am fortunate to have people around me who I love. So, quite naturally, or at least I think it is natural, from time to time I have the need to express how I feel and tell them.
What mostly comes out is "I love you!" or "I love you..." or variations thereof.
I once had a thought that instead of being so repetitious with my words I should try to say what I really mean. Because, you see, a lot of times when these words cross my lips there is a specific reason behind them. Either something that person did, or something else, but it is still something specific. So rather than just expressing love in the same old way, at least from time to time I try to let them know exactly how I felt and about what in particular.

Re: I Love You

PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 2:18 pm
by Ryan
You are my everything... my air and my water... you complete me in every aspect... You are my Ying and my Yang...

Re: I Love You

PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 5:02 pm
by mirjana
Nice thought, Sabina.
Beautiful answer, Ryan.
My thoughts when reading this topic are around self love and how much we are able to love others if we do not love ourselves.
So, I would appreciate very much your insights about that how one knows that s/he has love for self?

Re: I Love You

PostPosted: Wed May 19, 2010 7:13 pm
by Sabina
[quote="mirjana"]My thoughts when reading this topic are around self love and how much we are able to love others if we do not love ourselves.

If someone doesn't love themselves, it is questionable whether they even know what love is. Self-love is the first kind of love we ever learn (or should learn). If we fail there, well... it is very possible that everything else is done for the wrong reasons. Kind of like building a house (be it a shack or a palace) on a shaky foundation.

[quote="mirjana"]So, I would appreciate very much your insights about that how one knows that s/he has love for self?

That is not a simple question Mirjana... but the simplest, or the most basic way of checking is how happy you are, and how good your life is. Not on the surface, but essentially speaking.
I will think some more about this and see if I can express it here, on virtual paper...

Re: I Love You

PostPosted: Wed May 19, 2010 10:39 pm
by tcm2164
[quote="mirjana"]...I would appreciate very much your insights about that how one knows that s/he has love for self?

Just yesterday I was wondering how I could know if I was acting in a loving way. I was reminded of something I learned growing up:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4"

For me love is a very active word. To determine if I am behaving in a way that is loving towards myself, I can ask some simple questions: Am I patient with myself or easily angered? Do I forgive myself when I do something wrong or do I beat myself up over and over? Do I hold myself to some excessively high standard just to feed my ego [envy, boasting and excessive pride result from either not meeting or meeting that high standard]. Am I willing to look at myself honestly and willingly accept [rejoice in] the truth about myself? Am I willing to make changes where I can?

To the extent that I can answer these questions in a positive way, I am expressing self-love.

Re: I Love You

PostPosted: Wed May 19, 2010 11:28 pm
by mirjana
This is not only beautiful answer, but very helpful way for learning about self-love. Thank you.
I gave you Kudos for this answer.

Re: I Love You

PostPosted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 6:33 pm
by wordsman
Recent work identifies the portion of the brain and the processes that define "self", one's boundaries and based on that explains out of body experiences, or times when one feels part of one's environment.
So, I think of love and how that feels and how when I love someone or something, I include that thing within my boundaries, not quite a part of me but well within the perimeter. I grant it access, and look at that thing with the words from Corinthians and think "yes, that's how I absolutely must feel about something that I have welcomed within me".
Certainly, it comforts me. But it is not me, it is not my life, it is another life that lives and speaks to me. In all the things I love, it is within me, that "force field" which is my boundary as my body tells me, that is opened, I contain it and am contained within it.
I find I have no other word or phrase that can represent that constellation of feeling and being. Very curious: even the simplest has access to that full potent magical sound and can make that pronouncement: I love you.
A king with all the worlds artists as his command is equaled by the humblest of servants. Indeed, my dog has expressed that quite perfectly and I have returned the same to him.
We living things are imbued with that ability to extend our boundaries to other living things and include them. That's probably a very basic property of what it is to be a living thing. A cell. And we celebrate that common skill, that shared recognition. It is indeed an essential component of all the things that live. Quite thrilling to see myself so intimately connected to the common mechanisms.

Re: I Love You

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:08 pm
by Agate
I've been chewing on the self-love issue for a while now. Great as I am at showing love to other people, I really was not giving myself the same honor. In fact, I was doing the exact opposite. So I spent a good chunk of time just listening to myself; what did I say, do, think.

99% of what I said to myself I'd never even think of saying to another human being. It was cruel, nasty, degrading...y'all get the point.

So I looked at how I showed love for others, and started looking for ways to do the same for myself. I show my friend Daisy love by listening to her and being patient. When I can afford it, I show love to her in gifts. I show my mom love with the occasional surprise batch of cookies. I show people I interact with regularly love by giving compliments and encouragement.

So I began to do those same things to/for myself. When I heard myself getting nasty with me, I'd interrupt. I'd vocalize support and empathy and patience...just as I do when Daisy has a rough day and starts yelling at herself. I began to make a point of smiling into mirrors and saying something positive each time. I began to temper my self-criticism with praise.

And yes, spontaneous, random cookie-batches have appeared!

The key for me was applying the ways I show love for others to myself. And I am a much happier person because of it.

Re: I Love You

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:31 pm
by mirjana
Agate, I like this practical approach to self love. After reading this I realize that is how I treat myself daily, with recognition for that what I do well and with understanding when it is not the case.
The more true understanding and respect I have for myself, the deeper is my recognition and awareness of those around me.
Actually I am happy to have people I love in my life and I have many opportunities to show them how much I care and what they mean to me. I tried to express this in one of my poems by using the words" to leave the trace behind me", meaning the trace in the heart of others.When this happens I feel in my body that this is right.
The same feeling comes when I truly show love for myself. There are moments though when I can be hard toward myself and too critical. Almost always after that the result is a kind of physical hurt that happens unexpectedly, like a sign to show me that I have done something wrong. Only recently I became aware of this connection.