How to Stay Stressed

Short stories, good jokes,
witty sayings and anecdotes

How to Stay Stressed

Postby Sabina » Fri Jan 08, 2010 1:13 pm

=0/

Although the De Anza Health Office long been an advocate of stress management, stress, tension, and burnout are still common complaints of students, faculty, and staff alike. On account of this, we have come to the following conclusion:


YOU ALL WANT TO STAY STRESSED!
The following provides you with a few reasons why.


STRESS HELPS YOU SEEM IMPORTANT.
Anyone as stressed as you must be working very hard, and therefore, is probably doing something very crucial.

IT HELPS YOU TO MAINTAIN PERSONAL DISTANCE AND AVOID INTIMACY.
Anyone as busy as you are certainly can't be expected to form emotional attachments to anyone. And let's face it, you're not much fun to be around anyway.

IT HELPS YOU AVOID RESPONSIBILITIES.
Obviously you're too stressed to be given any more work. This gets you off the hook for all the mundane chores; let someone else take care of them.

IT GIVES YOU A CHEMICAL RUSH.
Stress might be considered a cheap thrill, and you can give yourself a "hit" anytime you choose.
But be careful, you might get addicted to your own adrenaline.

IT HELPS YOU AVOID SUCCESS.
Why risk being "successful" when by simply staying stressed you can avoid all of that? Stress can keep your performance level low enough that success won't ever be a threat.

STRESS ALSO LETS YOU KEEP YOUR AUTHORITARIAN MANAGEMENT STYLE.
The authoritarian style of "Just do what I say!" is generally permissible under crisis conditions. If you maintain a permanently stressed crisis atmosphere, you can justify an authoritarian style all the time.


Are you worried now about how to stay stressed?
You'll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:

NEVER EXERCISE. Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.

EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT. Hey, if cigarette smoke can't cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn't likely to.

GAIN WEIGHT. Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.

TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS. The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.

AVOID "WOO-WOO" PRACTICES. Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The Protestant work ethic is good for everyone, Protestant or not.

GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM.
Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM.
Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!

THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.
Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.

MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE - BE MACHO.
Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!

BECOME A WORKAHOLIC.
Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.

DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS.
Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.

PROCRASTINATE.
Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.

WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL.
Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.

BECOME NOT ONLY A PERFECTIONIST BUT SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS
...and either beat yourself up, or ... feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don't meet them."
"Whether You believe you can, or you can't, you are right."
User avatar
Sabina
 
Posts: 1752
Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2009 7:11 am
Location: Vienna, Austria
Personality: Ambivert
Favorite book: Confession by Tolstoy + Chess novel by Zweig
Favorite movie: Matrix + Baraka
Things I like: the arts, free thinkers, creativity, passion, intelligence, honesty
State of Mind or Tendency: Artistic
Kudos: 61

Re: How to Stay Stressed

Postby mirjana » Fri Jan 08, 2010 1:36 pm

Hi Sabina,

This is so good. How do you manage to find such things? Are you workaholic? =0@ No jokes, this is really good. It helps to recognize things and it shows how we can change things if we want and all that is shown in very original way. It seems hard to avoid the messages no matter how many lines from this fit personally.

=0)
Mirjana
User avatar
mirjana
 
Posts: 1614
Joined: Mon Dec 21, 2009 4:09 pm
State of Mind or Tendency: Inspired
Kudos: 48

Re: How to Stay Stressed

Postby Alvino » Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:16 pm

SABINA

I love you so I will add one that I cannot see in your list.

Make sure you create many False Concerns to ensure
you stay stessed.
thanks for your MANY gifts that u give to us: Word Gifts.
Alvino
 
Posts: 115
Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 4:55 pm
Personality: Ambivert
State of Mind or Tendency: Angelic
Kudos: 6

Re: How to Stay Stressed

Postby Sabina » Sat Jan 16, 2010 7:25 am

Mirjana, I also thought it was accurate and rather original. I'm glad you've enjoyed it.

Nice addition Alvino, and thank you for your kind words.
We all here share word gifts in a way.
I rather like that phrase "word gifts" :)

Sabina
"Whether You believe you can, or you can't, you are right."
User avatar
Sabina
 
Posts: 1752
Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2009 7:11 am
Location: Vienna, Austria
Personality: Ambivert
Favorite book: Confession by Tolstoy + Chess novel by Zweig
Favorite movie: Matrix + Baraka
Things I like: the arts, free thinkers, creativity, passion, intelligence, honesty
State of Mind or Tendency: Artistic
Kudos: 61


Return to Witticism

Who is online

Registered users: No registered users

cron
StumbleUpon Digg Delicious Reddit Yahoo Google Live Facebook Twitter MySpace