Friendship between Men and Women

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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby GenerousGeorge » Tue Apr 13, 2010 1:06 pm

I see..... I think?? 80S It's all an academic discussion then with Ryan assuming a role based on others comments? I'm evidently a little confused on the format I think? 80S
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Sabina » Tue Apr 13, 2010 1:18 pm

Academic discussion?
It is called a spirited debate... at the top of the spirited debate forum there is a "sticky post" called "The Purpose of a Spirited Debate", and I quote:
It is spirited in the sense that neither side needs to win the argument. It is not about winning or losing.
Think of it like a brain exercise.
It is about the presentation of an argument, and the treatment and study of any given subject in a well rounded and entertaining manner.

Enjoy the debate. Respect your opponent. Listen carefully and always address the counter argument.

Remember? :)

We are here to debate topics...
Of course we can and should use personal experiences as a reference, and if I remember correctly you and Ryan had a very nice talk about this particular topic a few pages back. In that talk you have exchanged and debated personal view points, and it was very much in the above described spirit!
Now, a little later, the talk continued and Ryan simply took it into another direction:
"If that is so, then...."

He is not "assuming a role" per se, he is just continuing with the topic as lead by the results.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby GenerousGeorge » Tue Apr 13, 2010 1:20 pm

Thinking about it some more......I did not say that those were Ryans assumptions.

What led you to respond to the effect....."It's not that he has a problem or an issue and now needs advice."

I'm confused on the format of what we are "debating" What is the subject of the debate, what is the issue, whuch side is Ryan arguing. It seems to me that you were assuming that I was assuming those were his personal assumptions. =0@ 80S =0@

I simply said using the assumptions (from other people) that he had quoted. I don't think I was trying to give him advice.....

I was trying to respond to the conditions he indicated other people might be assuming.

When I used the term "you" I was referring to anyone in general and not Ryan in particular.

I am open to comments from all to help me understand the format of our "debating". I obviously don't get it. 80S <3 80S
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby GenerousGeorge » Tue Apr 13, 2010 1:22 pm

So in our "spirited debates" we don't take sides of an issue? 80S
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Sabina » Tue Apr 13, 2010 1:27 pm

George, you quoted several paragraphs written by Ryan and then you wrote this:
GenerousGeorge wrote:Ryan......I don't think that it is that no one really wants to get into it as much as it is difficult to "get into it" with the assumptions you have stated above. if you assume that 99% of "other" men will have some desire, expressed or repressed to hop in the sack with your significant other, and you think that probably your reaction to that will be unfavorable, then the subject for all practical purpose is closed.

I wasn't assuming that you were assuming those were his personal assumptions... perhaps that is not how you meant it, but that is how you wrote it. You quoted his text (not other people's) and then wrote that (see above).


GenerousGeorge wrote:I am open to comments from all to help me understand the format of our "debating". I obviously don't get it.

Like I said... please read my above answer to you... right there, above your last posts.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby dermot » Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:23 pm

Some Questions.........

What gives any man or woman the right to 'react' to a situation where their significant other is being 'hit' on. Apart from maybe asking if they are aware that it is happening.

Do we 'own' someone else?
Do we have a controlling interest?
Who are we 'protecting'?

Is it better to say nothing, on the basis that if a partner was to 'respond' to advances, we might be better knowing the Truth?

Are we projecting our fears onto our partner?

No answers!......just questions.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Sabina » Tue Apr 13, 2010 10:22 pm

Those are good questions Dermot!
dermot wrote:Who are we 'protecting'?

This one is easier to answer than the rest... and it would be more a matter of "what" than "who"... and the "what" is the union we hold dear.
Nobody owns anyone, and that is not what marriage is (should be) about.

dermot wrote:Is it better to say nothing, on the basis that if a partner was to 'respond' to advances, we might be better knowing the Truth?

Definitely.... so in that sense the need to "protect" would again only be the need to keep the relationship and its 'status' intact.
But... one definitely has the right to do this or feel a certain way about it, no?
I mean, if freedom is an important part of marriage or a relationship in general, then one partner's freedom to be upset or annoyed is just as valid as any other freedom.
In that sense this statement could be the answer to your question:
"What gives any man or woman the right to 'react' to a situation where their significant other is being 'hit' on."
Or what are your thoughts?

dermot wrote:Are we projecting our fears onto our partner?

This is the only question I didn't completely understand, or at least I am not sure if I understood it correctly... what would the projecting be in that case?

Good questions, now we are talking!
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby dermot » Wed Apr 14, 2010 8:47 pm

I have a feeling that a lot of the anger that comes into play when a partner is being 'hit on' is actually jealousy rearing its head, especially when its a man witnessing his partner being the 'victim'.
So in essence the man is protecting himself, rather than the partnership. Its a more self centred reaction, as opposed to the more evolved protecting the parnership scenario.
That would not be the case all of the time, but in most cases i believe thats the motivation. Dont touch my goods !

Lots of the time, people project their own attitudes onto their parnter. Someone who constantly suspects his partner of cheating for example, is possibly thinking of doing it themselves, or would if the opportunity arose.

If we were to take the 'proper' meaning of love to its ultimate degree, we would want the best for a partner....all of the time, even if that meant stepping aside on the understanding that a greater good could come from that action. Love should be selfless?

Marriage would then be a continous decision to give oneself to another, as long as this union shall grow........rather than till death us do part?

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....the heart only whispers, be still and listen....
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby GenerousGeorge » Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:28 am

Sabina.... I also said..... "When I used the term "you" I was referring to anyone in general and not Ryan in particular."

and here...... when I say

"Ryan......I don't think that it is that no one really wants to get into it as much as it is difficult to "get into it" with the assumptions you have stated above. if you assume that 99% of "other" men will have some desire, expressed or repressed to hop in the sack with your significant other, and you think that probably your reaction to that will be unfavorable, then the subject for all practical purpose is closed."

"with the assumptions you have stated above" is different than "with your assumptions stated above"
Frankly, I'm not sure if I assumed those were Ryans assumptions or not....... however, I believe I answered the question based on the assumption from wherever it came from and that if there was advice involved, it was to anyone in general who believed in those assumptions as the way to act..

I don't think I was giving advice to Ryan for what I assumed his personal thoughts on the subject were. I believe the comment just meant that ....."anyone who had those assumptions would be against their significant other having opposite sex friends"

Anyway, what difference does it make? You seem to want to imply that I was being personally critical of Ryan for stating those assumptions as if they were his personal beliefs as well.

Do you disagree or resent my response to the assumptions to the effect that..... If people (anyone) had those assumptions it would just about rule out the possibility of opposite sex friends.

That was the point I was trying to make.....I assure you, the idea that i needed to or wanted to. or that Ryan needed that on the subject for his personal beliefs or behaviour was certainly not the purpose of my comments.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Alvino » Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:53 am

Generous George, the ANSWER IS::

Girls are girls and MEN ARE NICE.
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