Friendship between Men and Women

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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby mirjana » Sun Apr 11, 2010 3:27 pm

Ryan wrote:
Mirjana wrote:OK, although I do not know what I have said so that you could think that I understood it that way?
It was only that you spoke from your personal point of view when you would find yourself in a similar situation and how you would handle it, maybe I assumed too much, but that is just how I understood it.


OK, I understand as I do speak from my point of view. =0)
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Sabina » Sun Apr 11, 2010 7:16 pm

Ryan wrote:...
Instead, the question is how to treat the guy who is disrespecting my marriage with his subtle and secretive flirtations.

I don't see that as disrespect. Why do you?
I can understand that you don't like it, that it doesn't suit you if someone does that... but how is it disrespect?
I think it can only be called that if you and that other man are friends. In that sense he is disrespecting your friendship by trying to seduce your wife. If you are not friends, then he has no respect for you personally, nor for your relationship with your wife, so since there is no respect, then the opposite cannot be disrespect.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Ryan » Sun Apr 11, 2010 7:40 pm

Well, it would be similar to respecting your elders, in my opinion. Just because I don't know the elderly person doesn't mean I am going to pop off and tell the elderly person that they haven't got the slightest idea what they are talking about. That it isn't 1950 and that things have changed a lot since then. I respect them for their age and knowledge and I know that I could only stand to learn something from them if I give them enough time and patience and be willing to really listen to what they say.

It is that kind of respect I am talking about... the common decency and respect for two people and the choices and promises they have made to one another.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Sabina » Sun Apr 11, 2010 8:17 pm

Ok... and by really being friends with your wife nobody is disrespecting the choices and promises you have made to one another.
I understand what you are asking... in light of the popular opinion that a man cannot be friends with a woman, his attempt to be friends can then only be interpreted as a form of seduction.

However, as you well now, not all men see it that way.... Take David, for instance. If the popular opinion was the absolute opinion, then he could never have any friends at all.
So, in conclusion, it would be wrong to judge anyone based on something that is only a possibility, right?
It can only be taken one case (man) at a time....
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Ryan » Sun Apr 11, 2010 8:40 pm

Yes, you are absolutely right... no assuming or implying that someone is a certain way... but what about when you discover their opinion is the same as the "popular" opinion?
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Sabina » Sun Apr 11, 2010 9:07 pm

It still depends.
First of all, there is a difference between relationships on the internet and in "real life".
I think that people are more "distracted" by sexuality in real life, so virtual friendships have much less potential to be harmful. The sexual distraction is simply not there (unless you want to look for it).

If someone wants to be friends with your wife in real life, then it would depend on the person, so the man in question..
In order to answer this I can only look at how I would feel if a woman wanted to be friends with my husband, and in that case it would largely depend on my judgment of the woman.
If I see her as honorable, as "normal", meaning... if she behaves like a genuine person, then there wouldn't really be any problem at all.
On the other hand, if she is being "seductive", then there probably would be a problem, but not really with the woman, as much as with my husband for not seeing that himself (if he doesn't notice/see it).

The male and female seduction methods are, for the most part, not the same, so in your case it may be a little harder to tell. Recognizing a woman who is on the hunt is easy, at least for me. :)
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby mirjana » Sun Apr 11, 2010 11:02 pm

I think that hunter are not difficult to recognize, either be it men or women. But, as I said it previously it is never the problem only of the hunter. For everything it is necessary to have two. Any kind of game, seductive, flirting, assumption, gossip, for everything you need two. If only one party tries any of these and the other one rejected, it wouldn’t happen. Acceptance of indecent proposal of any kind confirms it as indecent increasing its strength.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Ryan » Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:41 am

<3

Funny... no one really wants to get into it and suggest how a guy should deal with someone making passes at his wife... Ok. No biggie... it doesn't really matter. I was just curious how people may be able to put themselves in a certain position and to hear how they would suggest to handle it...

Out of the people who participated...

George says it is better than having an ugly wife that no one is going to hit on...

Mirjana says that making passes openly or secretively is just as disrespectful as the other but as longs as there is only one interested and pursuing things it doesn't really matter...

Sabina says it is only disrespectful if the two guys are friends and if the roles were reversed she could only have a problem with her husband if he fails to recognize the flirtations...

Me? I don't really care what goes on in his head... all that matters is how my wife behaves in the situation... if I recognize some fishy happenings my wife and I can decide how to handle things together....
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby GenerousGeorge » Tue Apr 13, 2010 3:50 am

Ryan said......."I mean... for me, as a married man, to seriously contemplate what it means when a guy wants to be friends with my wife... what am I to conclude? That the chances are high that he wants to "get physical" with her? And I am supposed to... what? Be nice to him? Should I see it as a sort of disrespect, or should I see it as a compliment? Does it really matter if he acts on it or not?"

"My questions weren't about my wife's reactions or how she would handle things if they became "too dangerous" but more as to what I should think about the guy. I mean, I believe that when a person is infatuated with a person, it changes the way they react and approach them... They just don't act the same way as they would with anyone else. They are more... I don't know... charming, cute, thoughtful, etc. and if you think about it... those differences could be interpreted as a type of flirtation... maybe even an attempt at seduction... if not to actually seduce them into a physical situation, then at least to provoke a response which could be understood as some sort of acknowledgment or understanding to confirm that she is at the least not repulsed or rejecting him completely... you see what I am saying? I mean if a guy were to just come right up and start making passes at my wife, everyone would probably agree that he is being disrespectful and some might even think he deserves to "dealt" with. But what exactly is the difference if he just does it more subtly or secretively? Isn't it really just as disrespectful?"


"Funny... no one really wants to get into it and suggest how a guy should deal differently with someone making passes at his wife... Ok. No biggie... it doesn't really matter. I was just curious how people may be able to put themselves in a certain position and to hear how they would suggest to handle it..."

Ryan......I don't think that it is that no one really wants to get into it as much as it is difficult to "get into it" with the assumptions you have stated above. if you assume that 99% of "other" men will have some desire, expressed or repressed to hop in the sack with your significant other, and you think that probably your reaction to that will be unfavorable, then the subject for all practical purpose is closed.

NO MEN FRIENDS......PERIOD! <3
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Sabina » Tue Apr 13, 2010 7:32 am

George, Ryan was just trying to make a point, and asked questions based on what has been stated/expressed by others in this topic and that alone.
By calling his words assumptions, you are the one assuming. He was not assuming.
Also, bear in mind that what he was saying has nothing to do with his opinions nor behavior in life.
He was simply taking what has been stated and asking the next question in sequence...
It's not that he has a problem or an issue and now needs advice... he was just debating the topic at hand.
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