Friendship between Men and Women

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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Ryan » Fri Apr 09, 2010 7:19 am

It's all kind of twisted, right?

I mean... for me, as a married man, to seriously contemplate what it means when a guy wants to be friends with my wife... what am I to conclude? That the chances are high that he wants to "get physical" with her? And I am supposed to... what? Be nice to him? Should I see it as a sort of disrespect, or should I see it as a compliment? Does it really matter if he acts on it or not?
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby GenerousGeorge » Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:54 pm

Not sure....but it could be a lot worse. What if nobody was attracted, then you would not have to worry at all. LOL =0o

PS Of course, the Muslims have solved that problem. 80S
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby mirjana » Fri Apr 09, 2010 3:27 pm

Ryan wrote:It's all kind of twisted, right?

I mean... for me, as a married man, to seriously contemplate what it means when a guy wants to be friends with my wife... what am I to conclude? That the chances are high that he wants to "get physical" with her? And I am supposed to... what? Be nice to him? Should I see it as a sort of disrespect, or should I see it as a compliment? Does it really matter if he acts on it or not?


Ryan,
Few very good questions and very interesting contemplation. The last question is for me the crucial one. Whatever aspiration one of two has in any kind of friendship it is safe as long the other one stays on the safe side of pure friendship. I have always had friends between men because I was sincere in that relationship even when it could eventually turned into something else because my friend would eventually like it differently... And it has stayed as long and stable friendship until today.
When I was younger and would start to feel that the friendship was in danger from my side, I would step away.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby chiara » Fri Apr 09, 2010 5:47 pm

When I was younger and would start to feel that the friendship was in danger from my side, I would step away.


but Mirjana...on the one hand I understand you stepping away..but on the other hand...why??
Did you ever regret making that step??
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby mirjana » Fri Apr 09, 2010 7:23 pm

chiara wrote:
When I was younger and would start to feel that the friendship was in danger from my side, I would step away.


but Mirjana...on the one hand I understand you stepping away..but on the other hand...why??
Did you ever regret making that step??


I think I didn't, most probably because it was during the time when it was not so important to me, when I was too young I imagine. Your wise question moved the second thought and I think that probably the reason was really that I didn't care enough. Because not much later I reacted differently and thanks to such my reaction, that in that time was not quite typical, I made the choice, stood behind that and the result is that I am married to that man.
But, your question inspired me to open another topic. =0)
Thank you for asking me as your question is a good reminder to think twice before writing something and not after being asked. ;0)
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Ryan » Sat Apr 10, 2010 11:09 pm

Mirjana... my questions weren't about my wife's reactions or how she would handle things if they became "too dangerous" but more as to what I should think about the guy. I mean, I believe that when a person is infatuated with a person, it changes the way they react and approach them... They just don't act the same way as they would with anyone else. They are more... I don't know... charming, cute, thoughtful, etc. and if you think about it... those differences could be interpreted as a type of flirtation... maybe even an attempt at seduction... if not to actually seduce them into a physical situation, then at least to provoke a response which could be understood as some sort of acknowledgment or understanding to confirm that she is at the least not repulsed or rejecting him completely... you see what I am saying? I mean if a guy were to just come right up and start making passes at my wife, everyone would probably agree that he is being disrespectful and some might even think he deserves to "dealt" with. But what exactly is the difference if he just does it more subtly or secretively? Isn't it really just as disrespectful?
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby GenerousGeorge » Sun Apr 11, 2010 1:29 pm

I understand what your saying Ryan, but if your wife is beautiful, you will get "disrespected" a lot. If she is ugly, you are much safer from that "disrespectful" segment.

It's like when I went to a gay bar with my girlfriends brother who was visiting us in HI once, I was afraid they would be "hitting on me"...... When they did not, I started thinking....HEY!! "Whats wrong with me, I'm as good looking as most of these guys?" =0@

It is just not a simple and straight forward issue, it seems. 80S
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Ryan » Sun Apr 11, 2010 2:01 pm

Yes George, I realize that somebody's finding my wife as being attractive can be taken as a compliment. But I, for one, don't need anyone to reassure me my wife is attractive... I didn't pick her because of her physical appearance... it was just an added bonus... Personally I don't care if anyone finds my wife to be attractive or ugly... all that matters to me is how I view her.

Instead, the question is how to treat the guy who is disrespecting my marriage with his subtle and secretive flirtations.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby mirjana » Sun Apr 11, 2010 2:56 pm

Ryan wrote:Mirjana... my questions weren't about my wife's reactions or how she would handle things if they became "too dangerous" but more as to what I should think about the guy.


OK, although I do not know what I have said so that you could think that I understood it that way? =0(
About all what else what you said I agree with you. And as about last two questions, I also agree, there is no difference, the method might be different but the goal is the same.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Ryan » Sun Apr 11, 2010 3:01 pm

Mirjana wrote:OK, although I do not know what I have said so that you could think that I understood it that way?
It was only that you spoke from your personal point of view when you would find yourself in a similar situation and how you would handle it, maybe I assumed too much, but that is just how I understood it.
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