Friendship between Men and Women

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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby GenerousGeorge » Sun Jan 24, 2010 12:28 am

"Progress not perfection." <3
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Randall » Fri Feb 19, 2010 6:32 pm

"Do I dare open this back up after a month of stillness?" LOL what the heck.

Your question is interesting to me because I've NOT been able to have a close, intimate relationship with a woman that didn't involve a sexual attraction and subsequent agenda's. I have one exception to that in my life, but the point I want to make is that if I wasn't interested in the relationship moving into sex, they had a very hard time dealing with it. My issue is the opposite of your question... Can I have a deep meaningful relationship with a woman with out her having alterior motives?

From my experience this is what it comes down to usually, when the doors to our hearts are open and we are sharing our love from the deepest parts of who we are, for them, that means also experiencing a desire to have that kind of intimacy in a physical way, a sexual way.

I can see how it would be possible to have a friendship that wouldn't have those issues IF you kept a part of yourself distant and shut off from the relationship. But to me that is what having a close friend is all about, sharing the recesses of your soul.

I mentioned I do have one exception and the reason for it I believe is that she understands that intimacy does not NEED to include sex and that it can transcend sexual desires or needs.

Hmmmmmm.... and from what I've read in your posts, maybe that is why I have not found many men that I've ever been very close too, I want to share my heart and they are afraid too? But, then I do not have a mainstream personality or belief system. LOL
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Sabina » Fri Feb 19, 2010 7:04 pm

Interesting. So were these women in a relationship?
Just curious... maybe you just happened to be with women who were looking for a "mate".
What we have kind of observed so far is that when it comes to friendship between men and women it is rather the men that have a problem with it because of sex as an obstacle. Now you point out your experience which was the exact opposite...

Randall wrote:I can see how it would be possible to have a friendship that wouldn't have those issues IF you kept a part of yourself distant and shut off from the relationship.

I am not sure I understand this statement... because from that particular sentence it looks like you (need to) keep a part of yourself distant and shut off from the relationship, however in your next sentence you wrote that that is what having a close friend is all about.

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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Randall » Fri Feb 19, 2010 7:16 pm

A number of them were in relationships Sabina. =0(


I can see how it would be possible to have a friendship that wouldn't have those issues IF you kept a part of yourself distant and shut off from the relationship


I brought it up because in one of the posts, someone mentioned that they don't open up and share about themselves with others. Also, there are relationships that have self imposed boundaries in them. You know from experience that certain territories are off limits. As long as those limits are observed, the friendship continues easily. Some people its their past, others its topics like politics, but the person you can truly open up with and simply be yourself with out those boundaries is a rare find for men or women.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby Sabina » Fri Feb 19, 2010 7:34 pm

Topics that are off limits is not my specialty at any rate, so whatever conclusions I came to through time and experiences certainly wasn't based on shallow and polite relationships.

Randall wrote:...but the person you can truly open up with and simply be yourself with out those boundaries is a rare find for men or women.

I agree that it's a rare find for the time-being, but I think that might have to do with social standards of proper behavior as well. Things like being polite that I mentioned above. Politeness instead of honesty can lead to shallowness which ends things before they even begin.

Maybe if everyone was honest, then going all the way in terms of soul-sharing wouldn't be such a rare commodity, and hence people wouldn't confuse it with sexual intimacy.

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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby dermot » Fri Feb 19, 2010 9:58 pm

The Endless Topic.

Who cares! There are two sexes designed for good reason to be attracted to each other (this is a simplification). There are many ways to be attracted to someone else, this attraction can be a fleeting glance (best done with a smile) or a lifetimes devotion with or without fulfillment (best done with a smile).
I have hurdled this barrier once with great effect. After my marriage broke up i was pretty low, (not pining for lost love i can assure you) but i met a lovely attractive woman who gave me a shoulder. I wanted to move south, and told her i was attracted. She gave me honesty, told me she liked me but didnt 'fancy' me. This was actually easy to accept, because it was honesty without games or pretence - any thoughts that she might have been 'in denial' didnt last. That bit was a joke. She was single, so was i, we managed over many years to spend time together, going away together, there was never an issue. I didnt lose my sight, so i could still appreciate her as 'a woman' without the awful mind games that usually arise.

Soo easy to get in a box and play roles, so easy to waste time, so easy to pine, soo easy to Love.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby GenerousGeorge » Sun Feb 21, 2010 5:24 am

Sex, like many compulsive things is 95% fantasy. Giving up the fantasy is a large part of arrivving at a place where a "sexless" attraction and intimate friendship is possible. I'm not there myself, but seeems like a good theory......don't you think? <3
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby theadvertheretic » Tue Feb 23, 2010 7:45 am

Joshuah is the spirit that took responsibility of creation of life*. The name in Hebrew stands for both masculine and feminine ah - masculine whereas Joshu stands for the feminine. Friendship is a state of mind that does cherish this act of creation. Where as the sexual-union forebodes the will to intensity the act of creation by creation itself. It is the empathy to understand and reciprocate the genuine expressions that are earned from those very days of learning and wisdom.



* Source - The Secret Garden of Eden.
(http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 830868945#)

Innate friendship is existent between any two or more form of life.
It was a pleasure expressing myself. <3

Thanking you all and specially Sabina for initiating this thread.

(Beauty and Love, personified.) =0X

A Short story dedicated to this thread.

I have heard about three Chinese mystics. Nobody knows their names now, and nobody ever knew their names. They were known only as the "Three Laughing Saints" because they never did anything else; they simply laughed.

These three people were really beautiful--laughing, and their bellies shaking. And then it would become an infection and others would start laughing. The whole marketplace would laugh. When just a few moments before, it was an ugly place where people were thinking only of money, suddenly these three mad people came and changed the quality of the whole marketplace. Now they had forgotten that they had come to purchase and sell. Nobody bothered about greed. For a few seconds a new world opened.

They moved all over China, from place to place, from village to village, just helping people to laugh. Sad people, angry people, greedy people, jealous people--they all started laughing with them. And many felt the key--you can be transformed.

Then, in one village it happened that one of the three died. Village people gathered and they said, "Now there will be trouble. Now we have to see how they laugh. Their friend has died; they must weep."

But when they came, the two were dancing, laughing and celebrating the death. The village people said, "Now this is too much. When a man is dead it is profane to laugh and dance."

They said, "The whole life we laughed with him. How can we give him the last send-off with anything else?--we have to laugh, we have to enjoy, we have to celebrate. This is the only farewell that is possible for a man who has laughed his whole life. We don't see that he is dead. How can laughter die, how can life die?"

Then the body was to be burned, and the village people said, "We will give him a bath as the ritual prescribes." But those two friends said, "No, our friend has said, 'Don't perform any ritual and don't change my clothes and don't give me a bath. You just put me as I am on the burning pyre.' So we have to follow his instructions."

And then, suddenly, there was a great happening. When the body was put on the fire, that old man had played the last trick. He had hidden many fireworks under his clothes, and suddenly there was a festival! Then the whole village started laughing. These two mad friends were dancing, then the whole village started dancing.

It was not a death, it was a new life.

Cheers, for my blessed friends. ;0)
महीप

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby dermot » Wed Feb 24, 2010 1:26 pm

George said:

[quotSex, like many compulsive things is 95% fantasy. Giving up the fantasy is a large part of arrivving at a place where a "sexless" attraction and intimate friendship is possible. I'm not there myself, but seeems like a good theory......don't you e][/quote]

Ah George !....giving up , giving up, giving up. Im sorry but having been brought up in a Catholic environment, my heart rebels at the idea that we need to 'give up' to be saved.
Its far more likely to me that instead of describing sex as compulsive and 95% fantasy, it should be seen as a positive and liberating avenue of expression. I realise that the subject matter is tainted by the way we have all grown up to see it....or most of us anyway, but the problem is not with the subject its with the way its been handled by religions etc. In the Catholic idiom, Sex was portrayed as dirty, and sexual feeling as something to be hidden. No wonder then that the Church is facing child sex abuse scandals by members of the clergy on a global scale.
When you choose to put emotions in dark hiding places they become contaminated.
d,
....the heart only whispers, be still and listen....
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Re: Friendship between Men and Women

Postby chiara » Fri Apr 09, 2010 1:48 am

AAAh..that's one of these questions, were everybody has another answer...
I have also thought about that many times...I'm very good friends with a boy and I have only friendly feelings for him, while I've been told by many that he may have a crush on me(and sometimes I get that feeling too), so I really can't tell....it would more be me looking for an answer here than giving one. =0)
but there are many people I know from school who are best friend with the other gender, and where they are really just best friends,..but now where I think of it,..they're best friends, while the boy and the girls are in both cases in a romantic relationship involved..
so are they now only best friends, because now they have a good reason to "only" be friends??

I think it is very possible, but just that it's very rare to find a woman and man, where at least one is not finding the other one attractive...
Absit reverentia vero
liberté, égalité, fraternité
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