Conditioning Children

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Conditioning Children

Postby Sabina » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:56 am

Conditioning is a popular term nowadays, it has been mentioned a few times in this forum as well. I would like to share my thoughts on "conditioning" (the quotes are meant to be there).

At dinner I mentioned a personal experience about a well known fast food chain restaurant (I don't want to advertise them additionally, they do a splendid job on their own), and my son replied "That's because they don't serve real food!"
There was an instance in the past where going to this place was an issue because of a birthday party that another child's parents were going to celebrate in the fast-food restaurant (!). That provoked the talk, so we informed him on why we don't go to such restaurant anymore. We had a nice talk back then, we explained, he asked questions, we answered them, story finished.
So now back to his answer... "That's because they don't serve real food!"

My husband and I laughed, I said "We have taught him well" in a jokingly significant tone of voice, and my husband added while still smiling "We have conditioned him well".

He was being sarcastic... he shrugged and added "It's all a matter of perspective".
Unfortunately that seems to be very true when you consider the whole conditioning argument, in which way and how often it is used today.

Parents raise their children very wary of not conditioning them... sometimes tiptoeing around them like they are feathered princes and princesses.
I am all for 'spoiling' children with love, so that's not what I'm talking about.
However, out of the fear of conditioning their children and being labeled as bad parents modern parents sometimes excel in the opposite extreme.

An awareness of conditioning is one thing, in my opinion, but how far do we take the concept?
What all shall now be labeled "conditioning"?
What are your thoughts?

Sabina
"Whether You believe you can, or you can't, you are right."
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Re: Conditioning Children

Postby mirjana » Wed Feb 17, 2010 12:21 pm

Sabina wrote:...
Parents raise their children very wary of not conditioning them... sometimes tiptoeing around them like they are feathered princes and princesses.
I am all for 'spoiling' children with love, so that's not what I'm talking about.
However, out of the fear of conditioning their children and being labeled as bad parents modern parents sometimes excel in the opposite extreme.

An awareness of conditioning is one thing, in my opinion, but how far do we take the concept?
What all shall now be labeled "conditioning"?
What are your thoughts?

Sabina


The role of parents is not an easy one. I think that the way we put our educational and responsibility role upon our children is very important. Whatever we do will be a kind of conditioning, but it is at least important if this conditioning will make of them isolated and frightened beings or open minded and free in further personal exploration of life. If limitations, restrictions and many other forms of pushing them away come out of personal need to have more time for ourselves, then it is definitely one form of conditioning which is not good.
There is a beautiful quote of one children poet that says something like this:
" Parents are always confused when they reveal some bad habit of their children(alcoholism, drugs, bad notes...); they cannot believe that something like that happened as the last time when they WERE with their children they didn't do that".
The other extreme and dangerous option would be to give everything to children what they want.
It is definitely not easy to find the middle gold.

I think that truly dedicated time with children is pure love. Time and Way are crucial. If that time is important part of the daily time of our children and of our daily time, then we have some chance to give them good example by expressing the own personality and with this personal presence harmonizing all other influences our children are exposed to. Of course, I talk about normal families and parents.

That should be time our children can learn about parents, family history, hear about good books and stories, see and do interesting things(in and out of the house) with parents that will open them another perspectives and give them possibilities to learn about their personal abilities.
Parents should give their children a hand to try different things during the time when children learn the easiest way.
Actually I think that spending time together in an active way is the best as there is no better teacher as personal example.
They can learn about life and people by being part of that in our company in as more as possible different facets of life. And that is the best way to get awareness about that how unique they are.

On Children
Kahlil Gibran


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.


Mirjana
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