Asking Questions

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Asking Questions

Postby Daywhite » Wed Apr 21, 2010 6:14 pm

I saw a picture recently, more of a poster or sticker, really, that said, Hopeless Romantic seeks Filthy Whore. It reminded me of what a woman once told me, "I guess I like bad boys." She didn't like me, wasn't attracted to me in that way, and this was her reasoning. I tried to comfort myself at the time by telling myself she'd rather have a bad boy than a good man. But, even then, I knew it was bull. My rationalization, not her desires.

Men and women often want a "Bad" boy or girl. I have done the same myself, picking the slutty over the meek. It's been said that men want a cook in the kitchen, a whore in the bedroom, and a lady in the living room. The same is true for women. We all want a variety; it's natural. Some seek it in one person, while others are only content with multiple entities.

My main reason for rambling on this was it got me thinking of the difference in an individual's wants and his needs. We, as Homo-sapiens, have only two true needs, food and shelter (oxygen, water, etc., being a given). But, the needs I mean here are on an individual level, what each may need in order to become successful as he defines the term.

We may want to spend all of our time wasted, playing video games, or sitting nude in the sun, meditating on our connection with nature. We may want to eat the entire half-gallon of ice cream, but we don't (not every time), because we draw a line between our wants and our needs. Our wants, as we may define it, provide temporary enjoyment, while we hope our needs, if met, will provide long-term security.

I know more people are addicted to climbing another rung on the corporate ladder than will ever be addicted to any drug. It is much easier to be addicted to climbing the ladder because it is encouraged by society. In fact, all who don't do it, who aren't fully addicted to it, are frowned upon. Lazy, slacker, trouble maker, outcast, fringe people...derogatory terms are used to describe dissenters, so that all who climb the ladder will continue to feel they are the good ones, the noble ones, even. The words need and want become so confused for those climbing the ladder that they become interchangeable. Do they need a promotion, or do they want a promotion? Do they need it in order to help get what they want, or do they simply want it on its own? My distinction here is simply if they convince themselves the promotion alone is what they want, meaning nothing more to them than another step up the ladder, leading them no closer to getting something they want, who benefits? If the individual realizes no benefit other than another rung on the ladder, the corporate machine itself benefits, its hold over the individual ever stronger, and one more soul lost to the corporate gods.

When I help someone with something, give an unexpected gift, do a favor, whatever, so often the person will respond, "You didn't have to do that." I simply reply, "I rarely enjoy doing what I have to do; sometimes it's fun to do what I want." Meaning I did whatever I may have done because it made me feel good. I'm glad it helped them, but I did it for me, because I wanted to.

What, I'm guessing you've asked, does this have to do with Hopeless Romantics or Filthy Whores? A little bit of everything, and maybe a whole lot of nothing. If your mind is a bit jingle-jangled (as mine tends to be), maybe it will make complete sense. If not, if you're determined to connect all of the dots, everything in its place, well, good luck. I am, as friends have said, a hopeless romantic. And, though filthy whores have their place (swinging from the chandelier, perhaps), I know that is not what I need. But, more than that, I know it is not even what I want. And that's saying a lot, because I'm not really sure what I want. But, I do enjoy asking the question.
"Sometimes you do it to save your own life, not anybody else's. That's mostly why I write. I'm not trying to change anybody else's life or the world; I'm trying to keep from blowing my own brains out. That's the real point." -- Guy Clark
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Re: Asking Questions

Postby Sabina » Wed Apr 21, 2010 7:42 pm

I have to reply to this if nothing else, then so that it is again a bit higher on the "recent posts" list... so that more people read it. :)

The corporate world... I have nothing to add to that.. [El]

As for liking bad boys/bad girls... B0) I see that more as something that you go through when you are 15 or 16 (if at all), and then you learn something from that experience and are done with it. No need to learn the same thing over and over again. Chandeliers.. nice one.

....I know that is not what I need. But, more than that, I know it is not even what I want. And that's saying a lot, because I'm not really sure what I want. But, I do enjoy asking the question.

I understand the overall emotion completely, but I feel like nitpicking so that the conversation continues. So.... You don't know what you want from a woman and a relationship? Or from life in general? Or what exactly?
"Whether You believe you can, or you can't, you are right."
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Re: Asking Questions

Postby Daywhite » Wed Apr 21, 2010 9:47 pm

Thanks for replying, reviewing, reading, noticing, whatever. I thought you would like this, if nothing else, for the hopeless romantic tie-in.

I agree, the whole bad boy/bad girl thing is a matter of immaturity and growth. Nothing wrong with it, should one choose, but then you move on.

Feel free to nitpick all you want; promise, I don't mind in the least. You say, "You don't know what you want from a woman and a relationship? Or from life in general? Or what exactly?"

That's kind of a hard question to answer. Not for lack of understanding of what you ask, or really even my answer, but simply...it's complicated. I do know what I want, but I enjoy questioning my desires, too, rarely letting myself rest. I could make a list of things I want, from a relationship and from life, but many of those will change with time. The basics in a relationship, love, respect, will never change, but many of the sub-categories will. The same with life. I want to continue challenging myself, growing, learning, but so much of the rest is subject to debate.

I'm happy with the man I've become and simply hope to continue becoming.
"Sometimes you do it to save your own life, not anybody else's. That's mostly why I write. I'm not trying to change anybody else's life or the world; I'm trying to keep from blowing my own brains out. That's the real point." -- Guy Clark
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Re: Asking Questions

Postby mirjana » Wed Apr 21, 2010 11:58 pm

Daywhite wrote:...
When I help someone with something, give an unexpected gift, do a favor, whatever, so often the person will respond, "You didn't have to do that." I simply reply, "I rarely enjoy doing what I have to do; sometimes it's fun to do what I want." Meaning I did whatever I may have done because it made me feel good. I'm glad it helped them, but I did it for me, because I wanted to.


It is interesting contemplation about self and many other things. The quote I took inspired Sabina, I assume, to open another topic about complimenting. I gave my answer there.
I like your explanation why you do what you do and that is my choice too. I think that people who respond “You didn't have to do that" are people who have problem with receiving as they are not used to it. This is also something that has to be cultivated and learned first at home.
And, there is another possibility, which is that in different cultures people react differently in such situation.
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